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Tiny Tales...

He was afraid; in the tall grass.
He saw the shapes of predators
and ran.

They said he was a Pareidoliac !

I just don't see it!

The end

I named a squirrel “Sammy”
I fed him nuts for lunch

I told him to run
and he stopped to listen.

Now the crows are having him for dinner.

The end.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Thought I would give these a try! Great fun!
Editing stage: 

Comments

The first one was good, are you training to be a comic.
I see it all now!!!
Should engine drivers be trained ???
Poor Sammy may have been Mutton Geoff,
I bet he squirreled his way into their food chain.
Was that a Murder of Crows lol.
Grand stuff you'll get me going again, winder is at the back..
Take care both of you there and have a great new year,
Yours as always Ian, Anne and the Children

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

It was the Mob! I think crows are sometimes called that. Murderous crows!
Anyways, thanks for stopping by with your thoughts. ~ Gee

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author comment

good start
if I may, fill them out a little more with some poetic elements, and characterization
story up the joke, or ironic twist, or surreality, while still keeping it fun for yourself (the process of writing them) or what would be the point.

I'm still working on these elements myself...
keep at it

regards,

Al

I see what you mean. I will work on those things a bit. Thanks for your ideas, and I'm sure that my next ones should be better. ~ As always, ~ Gee

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author comment

pesky
the ending graphic and apt...
the crows are dynamic and work as a pack
the murder of them plotting...

thank you

I hope you had a good Christmas and are having an even better new year!
Yes, crows are a complex society! Did you know that if a crow that is on watch, fails to alert to a threat to the other crows or leaves their post before being relieved, is driven out of the flock? [Or murder?] I always listen for the crows when in the woods. They tell everyone where you are and once they settle down they will alert you to whatever is going on besides you. Peace and love on you and yours, ~ Gee

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author comment

Don't change a thing.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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for the encouragement! I am working on a few more and will post them soon. ~ Gee

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author comment

I look forward to your next session of short things,
Snow White was really into that sort of thing.
Only joking hurry up but join two together and enter Chrys's workshop.
Yours Ian..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

HHehehe I agree don't change a thing but I have to mention in reading your ending I felt a sense of brevity don't know what I mean to be honest but the tone of the poem changed (for me) but that doesn't mean I didn't like it, I love it ;) don't change a thing as was mentioned above. It is so good to be able to sit and read and actually have the energy to comment big smile I am a fighter I will be fine its just knocked me on my ass a little, lovely to see your words again ;)

with higgliest bugs and much love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

to be brief. I took the idea from "Brittle Light" and decided to try some of my own.
I am so glad that you like them! It's good to hear that you are doing well enough to read. write and comment! [BIG smile]. I hope that your summer has been good to you. Our winter is kicking my ass! I hate being cold! Not much snow this year, but it has been cooold! Did I mention I hate being cold? LOL. I think that I may just join Chrys' workshop if it isn't too late. I used to tell my boys and my niece and nephews crazy bedtime stories so it probably won't be too hard. Thanks for the read and comments, ~ Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

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