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Timid Temerity

The weather is humid, and the breeze cold
The darkness seems to pierce without your eyes
That burns like a lamp that shimmers its gold
In flames that warm my freezing desires.

Smile again savior, sweetest heart please smile
Redeem me from the talons of nature.
Alas, sweet smile often frown bitter bile,
Your eyes make me lose all sense, all nurture.

I'm careful in love, but I carefree choose,
I misplace emotions and suffer angst,
I rue the choices and all of the boos
That echo from the pits of gory past.

Should I trip over and fatally crash
Will I land in a new bin full of trash?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

line two needs a little clarification
that burns drop the s

you have a very unusual style of writing I must say I like the way you write

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

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