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Time Is Wasting...

The morning comes slowly
and the sky turns blushing pink
as night surrenders its caress
with shadow fingers tracing a reluctant retreat

"Until tonight my love, until tonight"

Morning sun, warms my face
Hold me close, I whisper
Don't let go just yet
I am cold of the night

"Hide with me a while under the covers"

The rhythm of the morning song
takes a while to claim its' voice
But soon, wearied of lying still
Sunny, sits on the edge swinging legs

Sighs, and goes outside, "You're no fun"

Lift the curtain, open the window
to see her playing with the cat
"Be out to pet you after breakfast!"
I'll just do that letter and maybe...

I'm surprised when it's time for supper
maybe tomorrow...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I find that sometimes, time will screw up all your plans. Funny, how you cannot find a spare minute and yet other times, it hangs so heavy on you, that no matter how you try, it won't go faster.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi, Geezer,
This feels very different from most of your work, a bit more wonderfully abstract. It feels as if there is a heavy reluctance to begin the day, or rather, leave the previous night. And then the day must fly by, and something is left undone, to do tomorrow. I love the dialogue, and the mystery behind it. I'll be back!
L
Its' should be its, I believe.

I was trying for something new, abstract is the word, I guess. Morning thoughts after a night of partying with my nighttime persona. Sometimes, my muse shows up in dancing shoes, ready to go. I'm glad that you are intrigued, and hope that I've pushed the curiosity button. Thank you for the heads-up on its, ~Geezer.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

of the most curious poems of yours that I've read! I love the mystery behind it. I also like the changes you've made.
L

If and when I ever get my book of poems published, the name of it is going to be "Curious Moods". I want to hit all of the different modes and moods in my works. I don't want to be known as just a one-dimensional poet. I want to try my voice and pen everywhere! ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

to reading it!
L

Geezer those frist two lines where so powerful

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it. ~Geezer.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

Bit more surrealist. I want you to take another look at

and the sky turns shyly pink

The morning comes slowly
as night surrenders its caress
To the advent of a shy pink sky
Shadow fingers tracing a reluctant retreat

You’re good at this. Play around with that if you don’t like what I did. But that “shyly” sounded “outta tune” to my musical ear.

Solid write,
Tim

for pushing back on that shyly
I decided to go with the original thought
of the sky blushing. [The morning embarrassed at
the intimate scene of night in my bed]

I used [surrenders] as it is closer to the mood I was going for
Thank you for your insightful critique. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

Yeah now we are talking. That conveys the idea best.

There certainly doesn't seem to be enough of it to go around. A very different piece by you but still meaningful. I agree with Tim that perhaps shyly isn't the right word. Maybe cautiously fits better? Good job embracing the abstract.

~RoseBlack~

As I said to Tim, I wanted the morning to be embarrassed at seeing night still in my bed, so I used blushing.
I thought about how quickly the day goes by. I meant to get outside, but after the letter I wrote, there was some more things to take care of and one thing led to another, and I never did get out there. Thank you for the read and comments. I needed the extra push to change the first verse. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I see the point that Tim and Carrie are making :) I like your venture into new areas. I'll be back to see what you have developed. knowing you, it will be great. when should we listen to our heads above our hearts?

*hugs, Cat
always, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

your voice to theirs and helping to change this piece into something better. I appreciate all of you and your critique and comments. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

you alone are poetry
your poemy is like
reverse engineering
to know how a gun is made
just strip it
and refit
so is your poetry
ABSTRACTLY
TIME IS WASTING IS like nothing
you alone are wasting time
others only want to play safe with thee
TIME IS only wasted
so remove as many ''the 's and ands ''
reverse your mood
if you want to be creative
tell all others they know FA
I alone am POETRIC LORD

But for me ...say the normal
LOL
Thanks
you r a master like jeff
but very differently
kick me if you will
greatest poet will ye be still
GEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ

I am honored that you think me a master. [ I am honored to be here at Neo.] I have met so many people here that I consider friends, and you are amongst them! I know that I am hard on you at times, but I see your work as existential to your love of poetry. I only wish that I was as masterful as you happen to think I am. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

many times I see jess in thee
he used to kick me
and like a football ever so often

But he shot me up into the sky
where only poets like me fly
You do the same Gee
help me reach heaven
by the poetry shot gun
only you know how
my poetree ....master

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