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Time

Submitted by Ruby Lord on Thu, 2023-05-18 11:16

If time is a river, where does it flow
To the sea or the edge of the earth?
In life and in death, and the time that we know
Can we come back anew for rebirth?

If time is a road, where does it lead
Is it too far from the here and the now?
Does it grow strong like an invasive weed
On the sun dappled vines of a bough

If the passing of time means you’ve come to the end
Fear not, embrace journey with open sight
I don’t know what is true so I won’t pretend
I'll float into distant light

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I'd like any thoughts you have on the subject, the meter and the rhyme. Many thanks in advance. Ruby :)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-05-18 11:16

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Obadiah Grey

Fri, 2023-05-19 08:37

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"If time is a river, where does it flow
To the sea or the edge of the earth?
In life and death, and the time that we know
Can we return by a Buddhist rebirth?

If time is a road, where does it lead
Is it too far from the here and the now?
Does it grow strong like an invasive weed
On the sun dappled vines of a bough"

These are the stanzas that I find poetic, Ruby.
Though "Buddhist rebirth" sounds slightly clunky to me.

Obi.

(BTW, I'm with Spinoza's God)

Ruby Lord

Fri, 2023-05-19 11:06

Ruby Lord's picture

Thank you Obi, I'll take a look at that. Yes, I struggled fitting it in a little. I really appreciate your comments, it makes me think about how to sharpen it and say less but give more life to it? Ruby :) And I had to google Spinoza to find out who/what that was. More reading I think.

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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