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" In Time "
Woefully resting inside a shattered wine glass... thoughts in throwback seem to enjoy my wind-less hang glider... floating just above the borders of
"no mi queda - nada mas."
And with time now aiding another in my game of life, the only true hole in one...
resembles those nasty little potholes back to my heart.
So as I shun the act and art of drifting on a memory, this erasable ego remains
flossy clean, not unwritten, but certainly left leaning... as I stand before the shout of a pain not purged...……………………..
" in time "
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2019-08-15 12:47
I totally agree...
with Mark! This shows great promise. You seem to have a really well written theme, let's see if you can whip it into shape! Welcome to Neo. and be sure to join our workshops and enter the monthly contests. I hope that you find everything you are looking for here and if you have any questions about anything, just ask someone and they can set you on the right path. Again, Welcome!
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Chiori
Sun, 2019-08-18 18:01
welcome skon bon to neopoet
welcome skon bon to neopoet
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing