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Tick talks [Sunku Workshop]

Submitted by raj on Tue, 2018-02-13 15:11

Tick talks
of father time
is menacing

Intrudes
silence of
my solitude

Wrecking
wakeful sleep
like a witch hunt

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

Comments

IRiz

Wed, 2018-02-14 10:57

IRiz's picture
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Very good! Honest words. Real feelings.
The poem I love. It looks like a second take of the same theme that was in the Sunku with moon.
This one has your words, it is more unique.
It is better.

IRiz

raj

Wed, 2018-02-14 12:12

Thanks IRiz for the read and your encouraging comment. Feels good to know I am improving..

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

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