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Through my Eyes
Through my eyes
You say you don’t feel beautiful
And you’re not the girl you were
You look into the mirror
It seem that things have changed
But baby,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
Don’t trust your eyes
For they only lie
I see how others look at you
And they want you as I do
So baby,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
Trust me that what I see is true
Because other see it too
The beauty you project
can never be denied.
My angel,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
Beauty like yours can’t be bought
Not when it comes so naturally
Even though
Many try to imitate it
But they can’t come even close
Sweet darling,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
You might say that I’m bias
Simple cause I love you
Then why,
Do other men look at you
And see the same as I do
Sugar,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
this is an attempt at writing a song, please feel free to suggest.
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem
Favorite Poets
P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...
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Comments
Victorclaude
Sat, 2010-12-11 19:16
Eduardo,
Eduardo,
Mucho Gusto señor!
It is a pity that women see themselves as unattractive at a certain point in their lives, and like you, I have told more than one they are incorrect about their perceptions, and tried to prove it to them to what avail I am uncertain.
I like the mix of honesty and playfulness in this piece. Keep telling her; perhaps she will hear you one day.
Victor
"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."
Unknown (at least to me)
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2010-12-11 23:54
Victor
She hear, but does always listen.
thanks for the read!
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2010-12-11 19:43
eyes
Women have no idea how we perceive them do they? In the mirror they only see the flaws while we see the entirety and beauty within................scribbler
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2010-12-11 23:52
stan
your right! it's mostly because we can love and they don't at time see that we do.
thank Guy
always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentloved
Sat, 2010-12-11 21:22
My Poems through YOUR poetic eyes!
My Poems through YOUR poetic eyes!
The theme today is eyes
I always have known
That beauty lies,
In the beholders’ eyes
As does love lies
Between the thighs
And that is no lies!
So as the theme today appears to be
All about lovely eyes
I wish some how
You do too see,
The beauty in my poems,
If they do lie
But tell me no lies,
For I know all of us love
Our very eyes
And love,
Lies within my eyes
loved
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2010-12-11 23:57
loved
some of what you say is not true for me. love does not live between the thighs, that is a sexual desire and can not at any time and place be consider love. I can make love to my woman, but have gone twelve yrs without it because I am in love with her not her flower. what i see in her is not on the outside or made of flesh. it is the heart of a mother, the working dedicated relentless woman she is. so what I see through my eyes no one else will ever see.
thanks for stopping by to read!
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentloved
Sun, 2010-12-12 12:18
There was a time
There Was a Time
There was a time
When I was a kid,
A dying man
Held my hand,
There was nothing in-between
Except a red rose
Shorn of all petals
As he slowly spoke
Words of wisdom
I dare say
I share at random
That’s what he said to me
So I thought of sharing with thee
As he handed the rose flower
God took away from him all power
Ere he closed his eyes too
He said this to me,
Where his love lay
Twas I to display
The strewn roses of by gone days
Thence he smiled away
But held my hand
Which I remember
Right up to this day
loved
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 17:41
loved
Now that's what I'm talking about, But for me those are not just poetic verses. they are the life that I live. I believe in love for I have it and always did. to me the love of one woman is worth more than a thousand in my bed.
thank you for such a touching poem, now you've nailed it on the head!
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentloved
Mon, 2010-12-20 17:54
I only Hope
the nail didn't
go in too deep
or else i will be behind it
and some one will have to pull
it not me
thank god
i see u have still commented
so not much damage has been done
well done
loved
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2010-12-11 23:56
to all
This is a song for my lady at less I call it a song, but i'm not sure if it works?
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 06:49
YES
that's the idea, it's just that she works so hard when she's putting on a show. that she sees herself through tired eyes., and that's understandible.
thanks for the comment i'm happy that you see it I hope my sweet does.
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentHooded Stranger
Sun, 2010-12-12 03:21
Eddie
Eddie,
I can see this is structured in some way as a song, but I would make some changes. I don't agree with re-writing somebody's work, but am happy to do so to highlight how I would enhance this piece into a song. Happy to PM my version to you if you wish. I am no expert, but nearly all my work I write are lyrics as I write and sing in a band.
www.systemasynthetica.net
Let me know,
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 06:45
HS
please feel free to do so, thats why I posted it to get some help before presenting it to my beautiful. Thanks any help is always highly appreciated.
thanks Bud
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentHooded Stranger
Sun, 2010-12-12 14:31
Eddie
Eddie,
I know the point in posting on Neopoet is to get feedback, but to re-write something can be considered rude, but to re-arrange this into a song structure needed more than just a little tweak. Anyway here is my take on the piece. It is a little long for a song, but I am thinking this would be an acoustic song and almost with a spoken style similar to that of Leonard Cohen.
Through My Eyes
You say you don’t feel beautiful
And you’re not the girl you were
You look into the mirror
It seem that things have changed
Don’t trust your eyes
For they only lie
I see how others look at you
And they want you as I do
(chorus)
But baby,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
(chorus)
So baby,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
Trust me that what I see is true
Because others see it too
The beauty you project
can never be denied
Beauty like yours can’t be bought
Not when it comes so naturally
Even though many try to imitate it
But they can’t come even close
(chorus)
My angel,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
(chorus)
Sweet darling,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
Trust me that what I see is true
Because others see it too
The beauty you project
can never be denied
You might say that I’m bias
Simple 'cause I love you
Then why do other men look at you
And see the same as I do
(outro)
My sugar,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
(outro)
My love,
you need to see what I see
And know you’re still the beauty
You’ve always been
Through my eyes
kind regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 17:48
HS
I like it a lot what a wonderful job.
For me the music should be blues
it's just what I hear in my head.
kind of like Bob Scaggs
wow bud that is very nice of you to take the time to do this
RESPECT TO YOU!!
always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentHooded Stranger
Mon, 2010-12-13 01:03
Eddie
Eddie,
I am not personally a fan of blues, but I can see how this would work in that style. Bob Scaggs...I haven't heard of him, but I have heard of Boz Scaggs.
You are most welcome, although you had done the hard work, it was just a matter of re-structuring it and adding on extra stanza (chorus)...which became an outro.
I hope you record it and make millions my friend...and your loved one enjoys your poem/song,
kindest regards,
Dan
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Eduardo Cruz
Mon, 2010-12-13 21:38
Dan,
I stand corrected, it is boz scaggs. my bad.
to tell you the truth never thought about recording it. I was going to give it to someone to put music to it. Money is always nice, i was just doing this for my girl. my friend if you can see a way to record it and make money please do so, I'll be happy with 2% of what ever money can be made if any. If you do record money or no money I'd like a copy to presented to my lady. Really thank you Dan, your a Gem for taking the time.
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentKailashana2
Sun, 2010-12-12 07:02
Since I am the only woman
Since I am the only woman replying (I think, though I can't be 100% sure of others chosen identities), I can say unequivocally that women notice their men making goo goo eyes at younger, prettier versions of themselves. No matter what age.
I know it's a male thing to look, but does it have to feel like you're fucking her with that look (not saying it's true of anyone here)?
Perhaps that's why Playboy is still going strong and Playgirl bombed. I envision my beloved when I think about making love, many men are off on some other image other than the woman they're making love to. I suppose it could be said about women too. However, the social perception is that women have lost their bloom after a certain age... though it is good that Jayne Fonda, Julie Christie others espouse otherwise, even if they admit to cosmetic surgery. As does Sylvester Stallone, William Shatner, Mickey Rourke. http://www.body-philosophy.net/Awful_Plastic_Surgery_Celebrity_Cosmetic_...
I digress.
It's a social thing we need to overcome and you keep on telling your beloved you love her as she is, dear Eddie. We probably won't believe it, but it will make us feel great while we're listening. ;-)
Love you,
Anna
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 17:52
Anna
That's a rant, slow down girl. but I hear you my sister
thanks, you always back up what you say.
I appreciate that.
always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 18:07
Rosina
what you and Anna have said is true, but here in NY or rather to say major cities. men are already worried, .there called Meto-sexuals. it has no gay connodation. it's just that worry about looks more then their woman. Gees what is it coming to. let me not be critical
I'm from a different era. so respect to them. it's their world now. I'm just sitting in the wings enjoying the show. PEACOCKS!
always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sun, 2010-12-12 18:13
Shirley
I already have hynotized my women, she think I'm handsome. poor girl, but I'm not stupid I keep bombarding her with poetry. Hahaha!!
thanks little witch it's nice to hear from you always
your bud Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentKailashana2
Tue, 2010-12-14 13:02
The poet always strikes while
The poet always strikes while the fire is hot. ;-)
Eddie the term Metrosexual has been around here for a long time. My daughter's partner spends more time on his *products* than she does with hers. lol.
It's wonderful to be loved, and to know without doubt that one is loved. What a miracle!
~Anna
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2010-12-17 07:23
Anna
love does heal a wounded heart
thanks so much.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentraj
Tue, 2010-12-14 13:14
Dear Eduardo..
this write is melodious and a nice heartsong for a beloved...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2010-12-17 07:25
raj
like music to my ears!
thanks for coming by and commenting
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
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