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The Thread

The thread of time, that yarn
It started to uncoiling,
while my wandering eye
was all about and spoiling,
it's tight wedded twine.

I have un-threaded, re-threaded,
unspooled, weaved in and out of waiting rooms,
spun out the line, up sweating hills,
of girth, and down cobbled streets
to ancient tombs, cold in earth.

Always, always uncoiling to here,
He watching, starting, stopping,
rewinding time, re-starting,
recoiling, again, again, seeking
a refund, of all his lost line.

Now I've left it here gathered,
where you must gather it tenderly in;
all that time I left uncoiling is yours,
to wind back within.

For if petulant I,
were in charge of time,
I would loop it round, and round,
braid it through your hair fine
such that it would be - a crown!

Soft, would I play with time,
so that for you and I, it
had no meaning, here or there.
Listen: I linger only a minute, then I disappear-

and that moment of thread is here,
forever, held, waiting for you,
and timeless digits to meld
again, again with twine, once mine.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I always say 'free verse' - and the irony is not lost on me that this piece has a lot to do with time - time looping, spooling, gathering, and the fact that it's not 'classical' or more has meandering meter - I get it. There are elements in there I hope all can enjoy.. i had this on my smartphone, and was precariously about to lose it, so i posted it. Enjoy. Chris,
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think that's part of our craft. You have an idea, an image with multiple dimensions, and you go with it. Words and images are charged in the way we've come to expect from you.
Love that you have taken time and both made it an image and personified it. Starts as an "it" and becomes a "he". Love that he is looking for a refund! Then the "I" in the poem switches to a "you", the subject, for whom you would knit the threads of time into a crown. These are startling images.

I wouldn't be concerned about the form. I think it's good to go back and forth and vary the style.
There are some hidden and some not so hidden rhymes and I think that's fine, it works for me. I like the idea of non-structured rhyme, like the way some composers mix abstract sounds with specific melodies...like Debussy, Milhaud, Stravinsky.

I would, however, capitalize the word thread in the title.
Cheers

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

And encouraging that you saw it the same way I do.. gives me the impetus to revisit, time and again.- as we know there is always time for 'For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.' - sorry, dreadful ;) late here.. Debussy yes - Chopin, almost certainly - I must find some Nocturne to listen to now.

Thanks.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

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Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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