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Thoughts (Simple and Plain)

Hearing my life as I listen to music

Life is music cause someone still breathing produces

It seems useless trying to hide my emotion

Something within me refuses to remain a hermit

Confusion is conducive Damn my style is a nuisance

Seems like my rhytmn abuses rhyme on purpose

Abusive what do to the instrumental

It's that simple

Minerals in patterns on a train of thought It seems I'm always late for

Can't catch even when I arrive early Always in a rush it seems

Dreams only become reality when you wake up and make it happen

Life sometimes is only worth imagining

Editing stage: 

Comments

I took the liberty of doing something that I almost never do, editing someone else's poem.
I did this because when I read your poem, I thought "Well, THIS makes no sense."
Then I spoke it, and it became much, much clearer, to me.

Hearing my life as I listen to music
Life is music
'cuz someone still breathing
produces
It seems useless
trying to hide my emotion
Something within me refuses
to remain a hermit

Confusion is conducive
Damn
my style is a nuisance
Seems like my rhytmn
abuses rhyme on purpose
Abusive
what do to?
the instrumental -
It's that simple

Minerals in patterns
on a train of thought
It seems I'm always late for
Can't catch it
even when I arrive early
Always in a rush
it seems
Dreams
only become reality
when you wake up and make it happen
Life sometimes is only worth imagining

Forgive me if I offend by editing, but this has real potential.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I seem to have a problem with my writing and I hear alot that people can't understand what I write.Thanks it actually made it simpler for me to understand.

author comment

I almost agree with his re-writing,
but I really enjoyed this poem.
It has a certain naivety and honesty.

cheers,
Jess
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