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Thorns

Submitted by Kyle Scott on Sun, 2023-03-26 13:46

The paper skin
Has bled its regrets.
Thousands of red dykes
Burst from the bramble infantry
Have dried.
Though Wind
Still blows through the holes.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week March 26th to April 1 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

RoseBlack

Sun, 2023-03-26 14:30

RoseBlack's picture
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I really like this. I like how you use thorns to describe how fragile we are and how we bleed our emotions. My only suggestion would be to change the word "the" to "its" in the line "Burst from the bramble infantry." I especially like that line. Makes me think of being caught in a rose bush and being stuck with its many thorns. Good job.

~RoseBlack~

Rosewood Apothecary

Mon, 2023-03-27 06:09

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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Amazing job poet. Every word hits the mark.

Tim

Ruby Lord

Mon, 2023-03-27 08:56

Ruby Lord's picture

Loved this poem. Your use of symbolism and metaphor is perfection, and I am envious of your talent. Well done, Ruby x

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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