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Some people aren’t materials for first class
When it comes to academic or group work
Manure rejects gold and accepts the grass
Some hate pigs yet delight in eating pork
Middle men coordinate within the ranks
Between those who have and the have not
Sweet rewards swell the vaults of banks
They tried hard but they just could not
Their names were called, like others
Amongst those who passed the test
Those who failed were also our brothers
Third rate, may be, but that was their best

The standards we use to measure
Set in societal strata of caste and class
The ones at the bottom bear the pressure
At the top, a word is enough for a pass
The first are few, not that they are rare
The second takes a sub of lower and upper
The third is left on the floor stripped bare
Failures promotes the structure to supper
When a king calls his subject third rate
Class competition sets to please the circlet
Using the down-trodden as their bate
One day they will rise up for their ticket

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


the Marxist idea of base and superstructure is the hint, but it did not quite click here, in dealing with society, failure is considered a component of complete structure. I will think of a better alternative to the line. Thanks and best wishes.


A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

... the subject is strong and has the makings of a good poem, but the inconsistency in meter caused the rhyme scheme to be completely lost. Also, (and I'm sorry I keep blowing this same tired horn) the capitals at the beginning of each line and the lack of punctuation made the sentences difficult to follow. Every several lines you repeated the point of the writing, so I was able to follow its gist, but too much is lost in the reader's debate over enjambment or not to enjamb.
If the subject were poor I would suggest starting over completely, but it's a good perspective and too many lines are solid. I might try rewriting with punctuation (even if you would leave it out of the finished product) just to give yourself an idea where sentences begin, end or carry over. And of course, I would leave by the wayside the archaic capitalizations.
This is only my view, so don't read it without a grain of sodium.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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It keeps me trying harder. I write without knowledge of the rules and classification until my attention is drawn to it, I am telling myself now, work on capitalization, punctuation, rhyme and rhythm. I pray to overcome them one day.

Would you have preferred a free verse or run on lines?

Thank you for your frankness, comments and interest in some of my pieces, best wishes


A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment
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