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The Third Ghost (December contest)

Darkness calls to darkness,
Whilst death calls to death.
Another one falls helpless
And I steal a last man’s breath.

One more visit left to pay
Scrooge—a man without a heart
He will be freed this very day
If he but does his part.

Cowardly, he hides
Beneath his bed and I
Slip into his room
And take him where he lies.

He protests, and he cries
But not a word says I;
I drag him to my side,
To see where he will die.

He stares in trembling confusion,
While I loom behind his back.
Gravediggers in bored collusion
Mark the stone—reveal his lack.

What is this? He asks,
But I make no reply.
He leans closer; I push him in
He screams when he thinks he’ll die.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

your sense of humor! I think that you will fit in here just fine! Glad that you stuck it out and got things straightened out so that you can post. I see that you took my advice on this poem and I am pleased to see that it works a little better. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Yes, thank you so much for the advice! I had to make a new account, but I'm glad things seem to be working now (And I can respond to comments and post outside the blog feature now :D)! I really appreciate your help sorting through this. :)

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

author comment

It's one of the things that I like most about being an advocate and a greeter/guide. I get to help others enjoy the site as much as I do. I also get to meet people that value my opinions and challenge me to think. I've already said; that I like your attitude and sense of humor and I am looking forward to seeing much more of your work. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

without exaggeration, I enjoyed reading your Third Ghost Story very much.
I found it to be well written and will look forward to seeing more of your work on this site. Yours, Van

Thanks for the kind words! Your poetry is amazing as well, and I look forward to seeing more of yours as well!

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

author comment

ooOOoh, I can't wait to see your entry! :D Wishing you all the best, and Merry Christmas!

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

author comment

There we go!

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

author comment

Hello, Kareyn,
So very clever! I can't help but wonder if the end will be a bit different from Dickens'! Excellent!
Thank you!
L

I didn't read that I was supposed to give it a modern twist until after I submitted! Oh well, that's a missed opportunity this time, but I'll be sure to read the instructions in full next time! XD

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

author comment

as on another site
I only contests host
but if this maiden poem
as an initial entrance wins

I may believe in the existence of ghosts
then no more contests
I shall Host

won three here almost
Happy be the glory
ms
a shrunken ghost
wishes

I almost hope
I do not win
So you can host
Your contests in
This haunted site!

But thank you for
The warm wishes!
I appreciate
Them more than I
Can say!

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

author comment

Sometimes the contests have different rules. I blew it on this one too... worked hard to keep mine to 32 lines, and the rules (which I didn’t pay attention to) were for much less.

Welcome to the website, and looking forward to reading more from you!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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More than 8 stanzas long, I had to cut it down to 4 (6 lines each) which makes me sad to look at when I realize how much of the plot is left out.
I feel your pain. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

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