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The Thief ( Limerick WS)(with spoken word)

A thief once went by the name of Death,
had stolen the Man but not his wealth.
In the day or the night,
while it's dark or bright,
but never been accused of taking the breath.

https://soundcloud.com/rula68/the-thief

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

'ccused ...did you mean accused?
and thief typo title or you wanted attraction?

.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I didn't get what does 'orf' stand for. I am not a fan of those abbreviations.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I see what you mean concerning the rhyme scheme. 'Death' and 'wealth' don't perfectly rhyme with 'filth',, right?
However the rhythm still drives me crazy
HELP!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

why Man in caps?
and why not include woman...
both are equal now a days

one more point ...wait I'll have to go back ...wait yes...

it's dark why not was ?? i wonder

tenses roll as the day the night
get your limys right
for a worn out tee shirt
is the targetted fight

when capitalized includes both men and women.
and I can't see the use of 'was' here.
perhaps it's only me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Not sure if this would work. Just a suggestion

A thief all fear called Death.
Steals a life of every breath.
be it day or night
he uses his might
leaving a corpse to lay a wreath

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I like the suggestions. A better rhyming words: wreath, breath and death, however I still think the rhythm is off.
I thank you so much for trying to help. I will take your rhymes in consideration when editing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

That's fine Ru;a. Take whatever suits you.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

duplicated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Do you know the poem "The Night Before Christmas"? Find it and read the opening over again. It is written in catalyctic anapest just like a limerick. The rhythm is the same. A limerick simply has but three poetic feet.
This is doing it the hard way, but it might work.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I think my ear has started to feel the sounds.
I read that poem a few times and shall do it again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment
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