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Theories from the Micro-Verse

Submitted by Michael Anthony on Fri, 2023-04-28 09:11

The scientist, one of a team tending to the Large Collider,
a member of a profession not known for poetry,
takes pages and pages of notes from the latest experiments
studying the accelerated particles of neutrons and protons.
Trying to understand the secrets of the smallest parts
of the natural world, and how they might behave in the air around us.

Within his journal, filled with mathematical symbols
and very scientific notations the researcher pauses,
and writes a peculiarly unscientific comment.
This note strikes a chord that surprises,

- The air between us is not empty space.

Reflecting on the notations, the math, and the poetic remark,
the physicist makes an intuitive leap.
Do these particles fuel the sparks of emotions,
perhaps signaling how we feel about those around us?

This theory, he considers, may still be too foolhardy to publish in a paper.
But hopeful, the researcher taps the number displayed on his phone
with optimism she will understand all of the evidence
recently collected that might explain how he feels about her.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Thank you Ann Napolitano! Inspired by her amazing novel, Dear Edward.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Fri, 2023-04-28 09:11

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Tales from the Micro-Verse" explores the intersection between science and poetry, and how the smallest particles may impact our emotions. The use of scientific language and symbols helps to ground the poem in a sense of realism and intellectual curiosity. However, the poem could benefit from a tighter focus on its central theme.

The line "Trying to understand the secrets of the smallest parts" feels somewhat vague and could be strengthened with a more specific goal or question. Additionally, the shift from scientific notation to poetic reflection feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or more gradual build-up to the poem's central idea may help to create a more cohesive narrative.

One suggested line edit would be to revise the line "Trying to understand the secrets of the smallest parts" to "Uncovering the mysteries of subatomic particles." This change gives a clearer sense of the researcher's objective and may help to better align the poem's scientific and poetic elements.

Overall, "Tales from the Micro-Verse" is a thought-provoking poem that would benefit from further development of its central theme and a smoother transition between its scientific and poetic elements.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

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