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The Terrible Tale of the Ancent Vampyr

A Note from Edna:
I looked at the parchment I had found in the dungeon of Lord Filthea's castle; I could not make head or tale of it as it was written in an archaic Austrian dialect; I gave it to my manservant Igor (a slow-witted fool, but an expert in translating archaic Austrian dialects). Igor carefully translated it, shaking his head in sorrow, gales of halitosis wafting out of his gob. I reproduce it in his quaint English. Read it and quake with terror!....


The Night was grey and of dark threatening Clouds menacingly full
And the terrible Curtain of night covered Heaven's lights;
The accursed dark Country was spattered with dim Moonlight
Savage, so much eldritchfinger Trees casting dread Shadows.
Dear God, I prayed to my Maker that he would me spare
From the Terrors walking in the Night so cruelly alone.
That Wind, the cold Wind, a Breathe noisome of the Ice,
Rustled dying Leaves and cools to Death my pounding Heartbeats.
I was only stripped soul-naked and by each possible Hope,
A Fleck in a World frozen and hoellischen when I heard Him coming
Standing before me, blood-dripping Mouth with red-licking Lippen
Desiring for me to die by Choice, drained into bloodless Pieces.
That fell Half-man, Half-animal, undead Filth von blackest Hell
Leapt on me thrusting Jaws and Canines towards my christian Neck
And as I love God and knew I only one chance of Salvation could possess
I thrust the Holy Crucifix in his vile Satan-spawned Maw full deep.
O dear Jesus, such Screams I never more may hear so please it God!
Such writhing blasphemous unspeakable Bestialities he called out!
Cursing our Saviour and Blood bursting out his evil Veins to drown
Me in his dying Throe-Spasms and Crumbling towards mortal Dust!
Then it was over and I fell to my Knees to pray Thanksgivings
To my Lord and his holy Angels for my Life to have spared thus,
As in the Earthground of the dark Forest I saw lying there the Body
Of the Vampyr, evil undead Bastard but now laid to God's Rest.

Given by my Hand

Doktor Janos Bumsenfinger

Fledermausstadt an der Fotze


Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 


Igor, you have done a wonderful translation of the frightful vampire legend that surpasses Bram Stoker's vampire account by a mile and a half. I would be disappointed if Hollywood failed to turn this tale into a blockbuster. How are things at the Blue Fotze? Blue as ever? (I need to brush up on my German. ) Say hello to your mentor, Edna. Tell him, I laughed my tush off.

PS. What is an "eldritchfinger"? Does it have teeth?

And yes, brush up on your German, but I suspect you got that one.

Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

The title was to be expected for the work it covered. Your language did the job it was supposed to do, the theme is as well-worn as any tale of Gothic shit I've ever read. I like stuff that will make you think about the monster and his/her /its motivation
for hating humanity, but most of the stuff being pushed on us these days, goes overbard on the descriptive terms and is almost; [maybe even as bad as the romantic crap people peddle]. I can see that you tried hard to give the people what they think they want, so kudos to you for taking the time to try and write something meaningful. I wonder; what is the deal with all the capitals?

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

In German, all Nouns start with a capital Letter. Thus, Someone whose knowledge of English was imperfect, would naturally assume that all Nouns would need a Capital.

Remember: Edna is learned and sticks to all Manner of Detail!

Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

that about German nouns! Thanks for enlightening me. I guess the old adage is true then; "The Devil is in the details". :>

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

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