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Into Tartarus
A single step
echoes in the stillness
My feet seer on the Brimstone
Flakes of yellow shattered around it
Eyes locked on a figure in the distance
Familiar...
strange
Waking dreams.
Shadows of thought.
What else lays unseen in the Dark?
Faded ghosts linger between the eye and the mind
Real or illusion?
I draw breath
cold, desolate
A World no more than a memory
Whispers all around me
Time, dead
A moment eternal
Smiles.
A shuddering heart
Who haunts whom?
I peer into a World no longer mine
The Darkness beckons.
I take another step
MML 2015/11/15
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
emeka ozurumba
Mon, 2015-11-16 03:15
really classic imagery
I like the way the plot is unraveling into the perplexed nature of understanding dreams in relevance to the soul or life in relevance to death
TheDarkOne
Fri, 2015-11-20 07:01
Trying to decode them has
Trying to decode them has very interesting results.
raj
Mon, 2015-11-16 12:42
Excellent word usage with so
Excellent word usage with so many unique verses, not sure which one is better than the other...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
wesley snow
Mon, 2015-11-16 18:21
You had me at Tartarus.
Fantasy is my thing and this doesn't disappoint. Excellent piece. Good to see you again.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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TheDarkOne
Fri, 2015-11-20 06:59
Strangely enough, I am
Strangely enough, I am returned from a hiatus of peace and tranquility. It's only when things are tumultuous that the writing comes.
Sparrow
Wed, 2015-11-18 04:16
Oh Dark One
Dare you dwell in those places, well I think the answer is yes if it produces a write as this one.
I look forward to your next pieces,
Yours, Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
TheDarkOne
Fri, 2015-11-20 06:57
Thanks Ian
Thanks Ian