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Tanka (workshop)

Rivers of darkness

Flow silently underground

Released to sunshine

Nurturing all it touches

Let us rejoice it runs free......

Yours tounge in cheek Yenti

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
First Tanka ever and for me to learn new tricks is becoming a habit
Editing stage: 

Comments

There are three ways to write tanka and you chose the 5/7/5/77 form, wonderful. What is that last line? I'm not sure how It fits. Other wise I like it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I am not going to say anything more than I sign off as Yenti in many of my poems and writings....

Regards Yenti (smiling to himself trying not to titter as Sparrow leans over and laughs at him)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Great way to sign off

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

give us a better last line

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

why is it that you can count syllables competently in Japanese forms but count like a pinhead in meter?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Now come on this is better for a start
Maybe he's had a brain fart
As you know them so well
Make the Japanese syllables ring like bells.

Yours Sparrow. now look what you've done,
Ian.T has gone into his dark room again, no sun.
Maybe he will be around for the rest of the workshop
Now I have to pay a Witch Doctor because he's forgot. ... La LA

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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