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Tamed
Moon light slips and seeps to touch
your delightful savoury curves as I peep
let my fingers trace their softness
to bring you pleasure quivers of joy,
Uncovered your glow with warmth
tremble in desire as my tongue probes
freely invade the privacy of your body
taking turns to lick dig and delve with zeal,
Raving uproars, barbaric clamour for more
induce a mayhem of desperation within
surge of a breathless surrender to my whim
cool work, widen’s resources to my glee,
While pleading cries make you go hoarse
demanding a full release from your woes
to seek new potential to a unique fusion
dissipates energy from ecstasy raptures,
While the beast in me swells the warrior
as waves of urges from your bottom line
burst to incite, entreat longing for more
parts to open, enslaved by carnal intent,
Enchanting moments with naked passion;
Perform to tame your breaking resistance!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Last few words:
Hope someone likes the poem!
Editing stage:
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2020-01-26 10:10
line 1 I would add -in- after
line 1 I would add -in- after the word seeps
line 2 perhaps the word peek would be a better word than peep
All in all I find little wrong
The wording was well thought out
Chrys
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samary
Sun, 2020-01-26 17:58
Hi intimate poem I am a fan
Hi intimate poem I am a fan of a little erotic but I think you need a little polish to really make this work.
I love your first line and most of your second there is a lovely flow
ending in I peep which stopped me as a reader dead in my tracks because it doesnt lead to the next line..
So now I have a dilemma which is never resolved is the narrator peeoing at these sensuous curves and imagining the scene that follows or is it for real?
I think it would be worth going over your piece again and looking at your diction checking synonyms so that your poem flows more easily. Your words should flow like your fingers and in places they don't they cause the reader to pause to try and work out how the images knit together.
What exactly are you saying with uncovered your glow with warmth it feels at the moment as a piece of unnecessary padding
that whole stanza is rather staccato and is just telling me what is happening without drawing me into this erotic scene.
While the beast in me swells the warrior
as waves of urges from your bottom line
who is the warrior.. is the narrator beast and warrior
and how does the second line link to the first?
You have a good idea and some good lines but in places you have a list of lines rather than a coherent story fix that and your poetry will sing.