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The Tale of Jack and Jill

They loved each other so, yet not so blind
to make no provision for death (or parting;
after all, we all need fresh meat ere long
and we soon can tire of any lover's farting).
So Jack and Jill went to a legal eagle sharp
and devised a plan to split their worldly chattels,
in the sad event their love should turn to hate
and their kisses change to vicious battles,
or even worse the Reaper might pay a call
and into their graves cause them to fall.
But they never read the small print on the deeds;
and when Jack and Jill fell down the hill
they never knew what happened to their money;
(their shyster lawyer's hands were in the til).

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

was good and though the rhythm a bit ragged, I understood the whole of the message. You should always give a trusted person a copy of the will. ~ Geezer.
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Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

...I agree the metre is crap but I was pissed at the time.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Hi Edna, indeed, as Geez says, give a copy of the will to a trusted person. Difficult decision, one can let a lawyer or a bank keep them, but, who knows...
I laughed at your use of Jack and Jill to highlight your theme. You have good end rhymes, I don't know about the meter.
All in all, a great topic, as well as amusing. Gracy

*
*
*
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of Mankind is Man.
Plac’d on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great….

An Essay On Man, III, Alexander Pope.

...the metre stinks.

But who cares?
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

i will reach out to you tonight, i always think that your work is worth reading, and you have ideas close to mine, i see the potential in your writing as a huge part of neopoet that will benefit everyone, however your manner and your agressive manner is a thing that i find sad, , you also have the will to be a part of neopoet and to help it grow, i know you have fans around the world! i would like to see this in a positive way for sure, i have seen it personally, i know we have realy bad moments, and am only using an example now, but your politics do not belong to all, just like mine! I live in a place where brexit just does not fit me as a dress.

Thank you...Teddy

...which I have to say confused me a little. I cannot accept I am in any way "aggressive" - assertive, yes; opinionated, yes. And I would not change that. My politics are reflected in many things I write and I make no excuse for them. I too detest Brexit and its nationalistic flag-waving jingoistic supporters.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Thank you for your kind response, I like this because it's thought provoking and for me reminds me of the past four years that I have been in battle with my relatives because they voted for something that has changed my life some what. Your take on jack and Jill and the lawyer is quite funny.

Thank you...Teddy

...voted for Brexit. I hope it bankrupts them. I will laugh at them in the dole queue.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

i truly get it! I think covid will take care of the dole queue as well very very unfortunately, and i wouldnt wish bad to anyone, it just so happened that it wasn't good for my life at all, Saying that, i have learned to live with it and i have fogiven my family and all my best friends in the world because i had to get it into my own head that it wasn't personal to me, they just voted in a democracy for something that they believed in and won. they did not say oh lets do it to upset her. i could stay here for days on this subject, its been a rollacoaster ride for sure and even took me to study a language at a university to pass an exam, to then apply for a duel citizenship.

i have to say it's been nice getting it off my chest. I'll never see the point to brexit. But thats just my point of view.

forgive me for going on.

Thank you...Teddy

...that at the very time the UK needs its European neighbours, people like Johnson, Gove & Cummings are heading for a no-deal Brexit.
I just hope my own wealth will protect me and my family.

Sod the silly buggers in the North who voted for Johnson.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
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