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Symptoms of Testosterone, Part 2

A predilection,
oft pursued,
for high velocities
on wheels, waves or wings
causes grievous injuries
and premature endings.

Bright loud explosions,
and rampant destruction,
see men drawn like flies
to a demolition ball in action,
renting Die Hard lies
and Arnie's excesses
may break cultural ties
and cause racial distresses.

Whatever else it was
those two towers going down
awesome and appalling,
held our eyes and brains
cognitive dissonance strained.

Prognosis uncertain,
gender survival threatened.
Prescription for this hex?
Oh that’s simple.
Frequent joyous sex!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

of Stan's 'Unfinished Works' workshop. I never finished Part 3 or even started Part 1.

When I first posted this in 2007 it caused the biggest furore I've ever seen on this site, attracting universal condemnation. I guess it was too soon for the 9/11 reference. I wonder if it might receive a more... um... considered response now?

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

the furor. I lived a few blocks away from the towers, I was not home at the time. I have neighbors and intimate friends who lost family.. like the holocaust, it may take some generations before it can be referred to without prejudice. It is still a distraction to the poem for the reader.
The subject of imaginary heroes and acts of valor...as per the works of Joesph Cambell "The Hero's Journey" he is somewhat correct- it's all the same story over and over. Ulysses, Beawolf, Spiderman, Rambo, Star wars, the hobbit..the same testosterone, same shit, different channel.
Sex has a raw violence about it, and is a release of these deeply rooted instincts. Why do guys get horny after watching shoot 'em up movies, or after hours of violent video games? There has to be some connection of the conquering need in men souls. Never heard of good eunuch soldiers other than in Game of Thrones.
I think the subject of testosterone, men's love of warfare and destruction, is a good one, but still, after the seven years, the poem needs a more complex solution than frequent sex. Although the idea is appealing...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

it does need a more complex, or perhaps vastly more simple solution. Who knows? The shadow knows and it's not telling. So for now I'm happy to settle for sex.

Re 9/11, yes, it is of course still deeply upsetting and as such strikes at the core of the dilemma. It was visually magnificent and appalling, I'm afraid it has to stay.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

know about visually magnificent or any of that. You're making cultural ties that are excellent, though.

but otherwise a fine write, mr elf.

Best wishes....val.
x

I watched those towers come down and perhaps where one is from might dictate the response to your poem. I'm left with love conquers/cures all. Especially at "high velocities."

I enjoyed your poem weirdelf.

Halcyon

if you were to use any other term; rather than "magnificent" the mention of the "Towers" might be a bit more acceptable. The word magnificent, tends to have a wonderful,heroic or beauteous connotation, which that scene absolutely was not! Anyone who had ever been in that tower or near it when it was noon-time, to see the crowds of people going in and out for lunch; immediately thought of all the people who were certainly dead. I too, was "fascinated" and couldn't look away. I was watching the news video of the original plane crash into the tower and saw the second plane hitting the tower "live". I get the idea of what you are trying to say, but just think it was poor choice of words. Appalling was right on, but not in conjunction with "magnificent" One last thought; if the building had been empty and scheduled for demolition? Then it would have been, " Magnificent"! ~ Gee.
.

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I've made a slight change in the description to 'awesome and appalling' (that's awesome in the true sense of the word). Yet it has to stay in, the fascination those images exerted are at core of the poem's meaning.

Valene's critique was valid and I agree and will work on it, thank you.

On a personal note, I heard the news live on radio as it happened, whilst driving down a dusty back country road in Ireland. My first thought was of the people and I had to stop the car and just cry, there was nothing else I could do.
Only later I felt and saw the utterly mesmeric, rabbit-in-headlights effects of those images. People, especially men, just could not stop watching them.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

we've a morbid fascination,
an awe inspiring pull
to anything that's heinous,
so let us cut the bull.

Best wishes....val x

we've a morbid fascination,
an awe inspiring pull
toward the pools of bloodshed,
so let us cut the bull.

lol.

Best wishes....val x

this time. Just trying to give an explanation as to why the mention of the Towers in connection with the word magnificent may have put most people off. I rather liked this work. I thought that your evaluation of most men's fascination with destruction and mayhem, to be spot on! ~ Gee.
.

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Not sure I totally get it.
Train wrecks, car pile ups
we can't hardly go by without
looking ... most aren't up close
and personal but still leave ghastly
images that some good ol animal
sex will relieve .... but then there are
those others ...

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