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pods bursting with seeds
get scattered in autumn wind
springing surprises
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Tue, 2018-12-04 13:38
Thanks Mark
for your good words...though to some drafts such...it was my attempt to show how drafts transform into pleasant surprises once worked upon over a period of time [autumn to spring]...in fact this was inspired by the photo "drafts do suck" which i read as "do drafts suck"..:)
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Tue, 2018-12-04 15:52
Mark
that's the intriguing aspect of a poem...where different readers perceive it differently...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-12-05 04:38
please feel free Mark. I'm
please feel free Mark. I'm sure you will capture the essence of it.
Namaste..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-12-05 13:10
Hi Mark
sounds good to me...however by "springing surprises" the intended meaning is the seeds scattered in autumn become seedlings in spring...so what do you think?
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Thu, 2018-12-06 04:07
Hi Mark
Done. Final. No Longer editing.
Namaste
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2018-12-06 04:11
in autumn all spring on a spring/swing in a garden/playground
in spring
then their seeds
all spring
how is the inversion
of springing
of seeds
rajji
lol
raj
Thu, 2018-12-06 04:40
read my comment to Mark which
read my comment to Mark which would explain the context..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2018-12-06 06:46
You already know
each one has
and is permitted to have
his own perspective
mine mostly is erotic
what my eyes have seen
springing in autumn in parks
seeding em the result is obvious
in later spring
autumn winter and spring 9 months
this is my Western opinion
a poet can only compose
none can dictate
how to read or imagine
except in prose
like the door was open can have no second meaning
it door was open
but in poetry it would or could mean
an invitation to...xyz
just imagine the difference
thanks
IRiz
Fri, 2018-12-07 08:04
I don't think the title helps
I don't think the title helps your poem.
Maybe calling it Drafts is better?
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-12-07 12:14
Yes IRiz.. .i am also
Yes IRiz.. .i am also thinking of changing it..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment