Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

THE SWING

THE SWING

On wings of wind I flew
feet high into the sky
ecstatic vertigo
seeing the world swirling
below
free as a soul
in flight
leaving it all behind
closing my eyes
to see...

Editing stage: 

Comments

we had a swing my dad put up
for us kids..(two boys and three girls)
I can remember well being able to see
to the next far hill.....a joy then that
I still maintain....Excellent poem!

vertigo
i shall send it to you
if u say so

loved

You've started with a cliche but closed it very cleverly.
You can easily get rid of that cliché by starting with
simply "I flew"
I thought 'Vertigo ecstasy" is exquisitely beautiful"
Keep it up!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Oh Joe you remind me of the little poem we sang when I was a child, by R.L.Stevenson.
And yours has as much of the sweep into the sky, and in a way I agree with Rula
about the beginning, but that's up to the writer as it would be a different poem without it.
But then it is short almost verging on the essence of a hailku.

How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
River and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside--

Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown--
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down!

His childrens' poems were very good,
my mother used to read them to us,
and we sang several while she played the piano.

Love Anni

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Times been ages my mom sang for me

Ma’am can you now sing a song for me
up in the hills
where the wind blew ….we all could see… the sea so blue
then she’d come to hug us..and …sing a song… if she may and say
come darlings come around me… a sing song …a song sing I will for all of yee …
then she would dance and say come darlings
if you may and collapsed for her heavens only way
never to sing a song ever again …so sad was the song...I can still hear her...
sweet ones my loves goes your mom dear..
today !

loved

Sad and beautiful.

Thank you all for reading me and commenting, Have not been well. Sorry I do not respond as I should.

Joe

author comment

my heart goes along with you
you are a poet
one of a class
and
you have made me one at last

tc god be with you
go stay with some relatives
who may welcome and look after you

just compensate them for expenses
love them for free
this worlds an expensive place
we all know

go and see who still really loves thee
not only for money....

loved

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.