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Sweet Mind of Mine

Submitted by Jasmine. on Tue, 2016-11-22 21:34

Lie to me so that I may
Forget about the reality
For a moment
Drop me and let me fall
Sweet mind of mine

Swing with me into
The Other Place
Where big clouds
Dance with the moon
And the stars sing
A lullaby with the rain

This is the Other Place
Where the world begins
To fade and puts a
Stop to the pain
This is the edge of it all
Cacophony of all
The distraught woes

What a beautiful, lovely, stunning thing
Enough to keep me happy
Happy enough, happy
As happy as I could be
As happy as I thought I could be

Lie to me so that I may stay
Sweet mind of mine
Drop me and let me fall
Into this foolish little dream
Of Stars

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Fri, 2016-11-25 04:29

Esker's picture

I wanted it too...
Liven up La La Land!
put on Roy Orbison..Kitty Wells
Depeche Mode...Placebo...and Lana Del Rey

fall....siouxsie and the banshess
"Swimming horses" first lyrics she
sings..."Fall into you...fall into you..your eyes"
I dug all that stuff...

soaked up the sappy movies

I dig this poem
I wanted that sappy love but
I was too hardcore to find those
chicks....
maybe I was too angry and
found the mostly happy but
often violently happy chicks
bruises are beautiful
the mix of prep goth and emo
all jacked up on the new world
order going on

I love clouds
I stare at the sky
all the time
I will always be a dreamer
and brutal dictator..no
I mean brutal practical
action man...
dreaming is great but
sometimes U gotta drop
the clutch and smoke
the tires..
put on the leathers
and ride..

I live though as the narrator
in the strange gritty grey
not really make believe
but ...hmmm..what would
Joseph Cambell say
jim morrison....

myth..

a myth place
which in the long ago
was pretty important
to those rugged people.

this poem is sensitive
and strong
pushes into the wind
the beat of its own
drum and I like that

thank U!

Mr Wolf!

themoonman

Fri, 2016-11-25 06:08

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

I like your little dream spot,
and you took me there.

You could cut it down a bit
here and there, here is one
example;

Lie to me so that I may
forget about the reality
for a moment.

Lie to me so I forget
reality for one moment

just a suggestion, I usually
try to omit some of the
"the's and that's etc etc''

but it works as is, so ...

Richard

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