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Surviving (Sunku)

Submitted by weirdelf on Fri, 2018-02-23 20:01

Humans,
so fragile,
slip bump head dead.

People,
so sturdy,
shoot stab crush live.

Cats nine,
elves endless,
I'm feline fay.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2018-02-23 20:19

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and the associated risk-taking behaviours I have honestly had more near death experiences than I remember. Some of the things I've survived from the earliest age beggar belief. The earliest I remember is at age six climbing a tall poplar till the trunk was so slim it bent over nearly horizontal under my meagre weight, hearing the cracking noise and climbing down again. Shaken and stirred.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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Geezer

Fri, 2018-02-23 23:57

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am Bipolar too! Or more likely one of those lucky - unlucky people that manage to survive all manner of weird shit, that I found myself in because of my naivete; [read stupidity]. Anyhow, glad that you still here. Although your first two are something that Killer would definitely like; I was rather intrigued by the last one. Nice stuff! ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

weirdelf

Sat, 2018-02-24 00:36

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Was the meaning of that last stanza clear?

There's a lot of BPD going round, especially amongst poetic types for some reason. There is no real link between creativity and mental disorders, the higher rate amongst artists is not because mental disorders enhance or grow creativity, it's because they give us an outsiders perspective and probably also because it's hard to hold down a real job. [grins]

I'm lucky in having BPD Type2, which means my 'manic' episodes are not psychotic but my depressive periods are pretty deep. At its best I think of it as Bipolar Enhancement.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

raj

Sat, 2018-02-24 04:36

Connects very well with your comment about the background which inspired it.

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

IRiz

Sat, 2018-02-24 23:40

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Immortal!
I agree.
Love your sunku.
It takes the best of English with its short words!
Totally and entirely enjoing your write.

On the way to ccc unit
where my friend struggles
to open her eyes
for four days in a row now,
I feel to play with death lightly
one needs a paw of a feline fay.
It is raining and she cannot see it.
The river outside of Gergetown
is grey-angry,
pedestrians on the campus
hunching their backs,
beggar kicks a trash can,
everybody is bored and complains.
But she can't be bored
I wish we all had a boring day.
I wish her mother, her husband,
her sisters and friends
had a boring day.

IRiz

weirdelf

Sun, 2018-02-25 00:55

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for sharing that response.
I understand.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

IRiz

Sun, 2018-02-25 09:58

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Ta

IRiz

chevyvent

Wed, 2018-04-11 16:06

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Humans,
so fragile,

made me really think about life through the variance of trials.
Great work really passionate keep it going.

Mario Vitale

weirdelf

Wed, 2018-04-11 23:26

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check out my new workshop, I'm sure you could benefit from it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment
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