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Superficial... L O V E

Superficial love

Admiration
verbose compliments
all seeking attention
only for the main purpose
indirect approach
to the lower regions
of self desired gratification

perhaps you may fall into their trap
and
then they say
we all do praise,
for you as you help us make do
what ?
is just up to your imagination
what can happen in the blindness
sheer cover of darkness
and ignorance

well that’s all about poetry lovers and friends
we make amends
cream one’s mind
to find
what does the other have
to grind
then we purr.....
is this not true?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Mmm I did a poem with the same one stanza form recently and Judy gave me a good advice which I'm sharing with you now. Try to break the poem into stanzas to give the reader pause. Here's for example.

Superficial love

Admiration
verbose compliments
all seeking attention
only for the main purpose
indirect approach
to the lower regions
of self desired gratification

perhaps you may fall into their trap
and
then they say
we all do praise,
for you as you help us make do
what ?
is just up to your imagination
what can happen in the blindness
sheer cover of darkness
and ignorance

well that’s all about poetry lovers and friends
we make amends
cream one’s mind
to find
what does the other have
to grind
then we purr.....
is this not true? say will you....

I suggest dropping the last 3 words of the last stanza. I like the message and the images in the poem. Good job. As for my suggestions, take it if you find it suitable.

Alid

and labour
go see now okay

author comment

now that looks better. Well done. errr labour? nah its nothing. just practising the good examples I've learnt here.

Alid

alidz

author comment

loved

Alid

good lyricism in the initiations of the words ,they cobble true poetry,and more heartfelt words

ok muchleeeeee

author comment

your poetry is getting better and better and truer and truer.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

after all the kicks
one must improve

author comment
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