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SUNSHINE AND SHADOWS

Submitted by Trail on Sat, 2023-05-20 19:57

It's like that feeling in early winter
When the sunshine is too hot
And the shadows too cold
And there's no in between

There's a wispy cloud out in the east
It hangs there lonely against the blue sky
Reminding me of someone I know
Because just a head's turn to the north
There's a multitude of others
And still it hangs there by its lonesome

But there are birds singing in the trees
There's a cool breeze gently blowing
While butterflies hop between flowers and puddles
A reminder that in this hectic life
There are still pockets of calmness

Now, I'm going to stop for a moment
I'm going to hum and maybe whistle a bit
A song from my childhood
As I watch these clouds drift away
Because at this moment
All is good with the world
A. SWANTALALA

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week May 21st to May 27th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-05-20 19:57

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Sunshine and Shadows" by A. Swantalala captures the conflicting emotions of early winter with vivid imagery. The use of contrasting elements like sunshine and shadows creates a palpable sense of discomfort and uncertainty. However, the poem also highlights the beauty of nature with the birds singing and the cool breeze blowing, providing a glimmer of hope amidst the chaos of life.

One suggestion for a line edit would be to change "And butterflies hopping" to "While butterflies hop" to improve the flow of the line.

Overall, "Sunshine and Shadows" is a well-crafted poem that effectively captures the complexity of emotions during early winter. The use of imagery and juxtapositions creates a powerful atmosphere that is both relatable and thought-provoking.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Mon, 2023-05-22 16:10

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Hello, Trail,
This was like meditating...pockets of calmness. I so enjoyed reading this.
L

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