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For Sunshine...

Mother Earth wakes him slowly
She whispers in his ear
No matter that he’s lowly
She hugs him, calls him dear

She knows how much he loves her
His heart is with her all the time
She is his life, she’s really sure
They are intertwined

Sparrows chirp good-morning, sir
As he passes by
He smooths his brother’s fur
The Sun shines from the sky

Cool waters wash his face
He slakes his morning thirst
Now it becomes a race
Who’s going to be first

To lick the morning-dew
Feel the launching of the wind
For of us, there still are few
We know where it begins

To feel the earth beneath our feet
Muddy toes and dirty hands
There’s nothing that can beat
Our emotions toward the land

Now, I might be an urbanite
But inside I’m countrified
I love the sun and blackest night
As each hold the country-side

So often when I am feeling hurt
I go outside and look around
I bend over, touch the dirt
And forget I’m stuck in town

Mother, please keep giving me
Strength to carry through my sorrow
I hope that you will somehow see
I’m ready for tomorrow

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This was written for someone who told me [after they had read two of my Killer poems], that I should write of sunshine and good things. So there you go, Sunshine! Now back to the main program. ~ Gee
Editing stage: 

Comments

At least there was a Sparrow in there but all this loving, dew and sun shining from the sky, now come on was the creature of the city a marauding fox or something that crossed Killers path to die before his dream of the sparkling dew could reach for the sun.
Oh! I am in shock and am not sure what to do,
I hope you get better soon. and killer shoots through,
Yours Ian.T

Hate to say it but a grand piece all the same, have to go Sparrow is crying and sobbing about Killer.....Maybe there is love in the dank air???

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

a passing fancy
This little poem of mine
You won't get another like this
At least not for quite some time ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

I am so glad, that so soon you realise,
That this wasted trip to fantasise.
About the birds, bees, and trees.
Has nothing to do with our killer friend
He will kill again, and again, in the end .
Better that you rid yourself of these ills
Lets read of killer and get better thrills.

Please stop writing these lovely pieces
I could go on as normal but will just say in all honesty that your lovely poem was good, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

glad to hear you looking forward to next Killer
~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

As usual, when I write something like this, it just rolled out from beneath my fingers. It was just sitting there in my head, taking up room that Killer might use. So, I decided to let it out and gain a little space for a Killer use.
I guess it does have a little Stan-like quality, doesn't it? Thanks, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

A terrible scene,
Fled from my eyes
Killer picking flowers,

Loving the sunrise.
Walking in fields of green,
Hoping not to be seen.

Help us please now,
The world's gone mad.
Bring Killer back somehow.

I shall hide in my dark room
Till Gee stops babbling like a baboon
Bringing killer back, can't be too soon

Yours Sparrow La La

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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