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The Sun Rises

I'd been the fire in the rain

the sun in the storm

I'd been everywhere

and nowhere

 

my broken back arched

once in defiance,

a monk chanted and

the moon stood still

 

I wrote to him,

don’t pray for me I am a

godless goddess

the white fire burns in me

and no other

 

through a tongue-less mouth

I screamed for release

into the otherworld

having a million words to say

I was speechless

 

~~~

 

the sun rises in me again

healing my wounds

the answer to my cries

I am free again to dream

 

my monk friend,

take my hands feel my faith

my broken back now healed

arches in exaltation

 

I dance on moonbeams

sliding the light of beauty

dream catchers spin with

the sound of my first word

 

I am reborn and new once more

only my joy will be the death of me

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
my first finished poem in a while, its nice to be back writing again
Editing stage: 

Comments

A beautiful write of a lost soul finding the truth, there the healing took place and you are whole again..
Lovely to read you again it sounds like a happy day to have and you know they are all happy..
Yours as always, Ian.T and friends

PS:- I have to be picky as usual
The last but one line:- I am reborn and new again once more..
This seems to say something twice "Again" and "Once More" are the same ?? xx ??

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I am really pleased you liked my poem its the first finished one in a while I am working on a few others at the moment my muse is being pushy, Your totally right about the next to last line I will fix that in a second when I do an edit I am thinking on a couple of other changes but haven't yet decided on which way to go, I would love it if you get time to read my new poem called, "a dark joy" would love to know what you think of it ...

with love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

"A Dark Joy" don't tell e that you have found the Australian killer lol ???
I will wait to see what you have found in that piece.
It is lovely that you are now a lot better and can visit more, there are others that I love so and their news hasn't been spread as yet, and it is real bad from them
But as you all, I send my friends to be there with you, and walk with you when things are real bad.
I will write something later today or this evening not sure what they want me to say as yet just hints of colour and emotion streaming through, I shall wait for their think to reach me.
Meanwhile I shall go outside and walk with all of my friends.
Take care of you will talk later, Yours Ian xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Its just another poem I wrote and it took my fancy I am still playing with it but I really like where its going, cant wait to read something of yours I planned to take a look before bed but I might wait for your newest to be posted, I will jump on the computer early in my morning and see what you have come up with, I ripped my big toenail half off tonight and I have to say its f**king killing me I don't expect to get much sleep tonight its throbbing lol clumsy ass I am I booted a door stop, certainly stopped me I can tell you LOL

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I take back what I said to you in another post.

WRITE MORE POETRY!

This is simply wonderful. I could do without the spacing, but who cares about that, its so minor. Fact is, this is so deeply emotional that I'm still finding layers of feeling and meaning in it, as I read and re-read. I absolutely love the tense change from past to present, its extremely powerful, and the implications of your journey back to health and belief are just simply excellent.
I had forgotten how much I miss reading your poetry.
So don't you DARE stop.
heehee.

>>>virtual hug<<<

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I am so chuffed you enjoyed it, I had been writing but I hadn't gone that one step and finished them off but I am writing again and the poems are coming with a vengeance. That will teach me lol I am trying to fix the spacing problem its the program I use, when I copy it to here it automatically changes it I have been playing with it tonight I may have fixed the problem we will see when I post my poem.

This is about my CES its been a rough couple of months I will be glad when the next op is over and I am back to normal I have a lot of plans I cant put into action until I am back on my feet properly, time on your back gives you too much time to think lol and that's not always a good thing for me haha

I knew how much I missed you and your poetry its just so nice to be back and writing and reading again

((((((((hugs)))))))

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

...'''I am reborn and new again once more

only my joy will be the death of me........................''''

this is too negative a thought ...
I thought
keep the flow of positivity
you may like not to forgo...

loved

I don't really think the ending slurs the poem, in my mind to die of joy ? what a way to go my friend couldn't think of a better way to die ;)

thanks for reading and commenting its nice to know it got a response

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I am sorry
for my audacity
and having unknowingly commented
on a maestrolina ...like you
where have you been to???

on another site
by your good wishes ...
they address me as
maestro

loved

I will call you Loved for I know you as no other ;)

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Sounds almost biographic. We all go through times of pain and/or anguish at times. It is the hard times which make us charish the good ones ain't it?
I started to not mention any alternatives because it's so good to see you back but I figured you'd not forgive me if I didn't so here goes :
"broken back" is repeated a bit too close together...maybe something like shattered spine or some such?
"reborn and new once more" seems a bit redundant.......but then so am I lol.
But the poem is enjoyable to read and takes the reader throught the entirety of emotions............stan

This one is biographic, While I was away I had a problem called cauda equina syndrome had to have an op and I still have to have one more but I am positive about things and I am in a good place I will be a couple of months rehabbing after my op but we have worked out a way I can recover and still write my poetry and post I probably wont be posting everyday but I wont be gone for a long period of time I just have to take it a day at a time, it is the bad times of suffering and pain that make us find great joy in the good times...

The repeat of broken back ? I am going to think on that one I read the rest of the comments and I am going to take them at their merit and decide what to do lol I forgot how much I agonized about edits haha

thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts they are always appreciated

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

As Stan was saying about the Broken Back being put in twice I think that as the second time is where it is better then there is no need to say Broken any more:-

my monk friend,
take my hands feel my faith

(my broken back now healed ..)

I am now healed as I
arch my body in exaltation.

It is lovely that your friend is there, and I guess you know that he loves you to talk of things now past, where he now watches you continue along your pathway..You walk the same places I do, that your scenery is not the same is but a chance of life..If I look straight down you would be surprised what I can see LOL I am badness.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

My friend is always around ;) and you are badness haha ... As I said to Stan I am not sure about the repeat of broken back I've read all the comments and I am going to think on it before I make a decision...
I actually considered it when I edited, and before I posted, but for this poem I had decided to leave it in

You have given me much to think about its such a personal poem I want it to still hold the essence of where I was trying to take the reader, watch this space, giggle I am badness too ;)

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I must respectfully disagree, regarding "broken back". The phrases it is in give a focal point to the poem, in terms of what has happened in time, and it is in-your-face, unambiguous and powerful. Also, the repetition serves to sharpen the imagery and the reader's reaction to it, it focuses the emotions, and imo is important to the cadence, as well.
I would leave it as is.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Somebody disagrees with ME? lol, just kidding. This goes to show how differently a poem can be read..........stan

Ahhhh you know why I left it in the poem, as I said to Ian I considered the repetition but thought it was focal to the poem I am glad you agree with it, as I said I will consider what everyone has said and then I will make my decision on any changes but they were right about the next to last line I say the same thing twice I cant believe I missed it to be honest, oh well just getting back in the saddle there are bound to be mistakes hehe

(((hugs)))

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

... I'm not the only one who thought this was sharp.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thanks Wesley I really appreciate the read and your thoughts :)

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I have the advantage of reading other peoples comments and I googled cauda equina syndrome - which sounds excruciatingly painful. I can feel the grip of pain and anguish in the first part - you use phrases like;

my broken back arched
once in defiance,
the white fire burns in me
through a tongue-less mouth
I screamed for release
into the other world
having a million words to say
I was speechless

in contrast to "The rising of the sun" absolute relief -------------

From being paralyzed and held captive to the debilitating effects of pain. to coming to life and running free. I can almost feel the exhilaration: The second half says it all - cascading a dance of imagery -

I dance on moonbeams
sliding the light of beauty
dream catchers spin with
the sound of my first word.

I am reborn and new once more
only my joy will be the death of me.

How beautifully you write Jayne! You helped us to understand how relief from physical pain can be like "being reborn".

Love Mand xxxxx

I had pain in my back for a couple of months and I thought it was just that, a bad back, I used a tems machine but had little relief from it, it wasn't until the other symptoms kicked in that I realized that something wasn't right I was admitted to hospital at 4pm on a Friday, I had a cat scan they found the mass in my back and found it was pressing dangerously on my spinal cord(I was losing sensation in my legs), at 7pm that night I was rushed by ambulance to Newcastle which is 2 hours from where I live, I had emergency surgery on arrival and then spent the next couple of days confined to bed it took me two months to really feel good, this all happened in August I have to have a second surgery this month to remove the rest of the mass they just couldn't get it all the first time the mass is benign so I am very lucky I know what's ahead so its not the mystery ride it was the first time round. I still have pain but chose not to use meds for relief they dull the senses and I don't like the feeling they leave me with, I will be fine in a few months and good as new I cant wait I have plans that I want to put into action. And I have renovations I want to start !!

I am really glad that the poem conveyed the journey from sickness back to health that was my intention, I've been to hell and back the last few years but I see a light at the end of the tunnel and its so very good to see :)

thanks for the read and your thoughts they are always appreciated

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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