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SUFFERING AND SMILLING

From Apo to Area 1
that faithful morning
six passengers siting in an old taxi cab,
a gentle aged man at my left
a Pastor at my right
a middle aged Yoruba woman in the other side of my right

the old man asked
why do you carry six
the Hausa driver turned his neck
Oga are you new in this country? he said,
but the petrol price is down, why do you still carry six?
the Hausa man looked at him and hissed.

sometimes i pay for a seat
so that everybody will be comfortable
I replied the old man
then he smiled, its alright.
we suffer and smile

along the road
bumps and dust is inevitable
everyone packed like a sardine
inside the wretched cab
coupled with the unending phone calls of the the Yoruba woman
drop me, drop me,
before this gura gura injures me she said

a great sigh of relief
for those at the back seat
Nigeria we suffer and smile

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

the line; "A gentle-aged man". Sometimes the way your language treats English is such a treat. Is the old man confused as to how many are in the taxi? He asks about why carry four? I don't get the reference to paying for another seat, unless it is for an empty one to give the rest of the passengers a bit more room. It would be ; replied [to] the old man. [It's ] alright.
[are] inevitable. Instead of [stuck] like sardines, I would say [packed] like sardines, as they are packed in the can by the workers at the cannery. One L in smiling. Nice slice of Nigerian life. Smile on friend. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

The aged man is not confused, the back seat is designed for three passengers but Nigerian taxi drivers will use it to carry four, then two passenger in the front seat making it a total number of six. the driver not included

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment

I get the picture now. Thanks for the clarification. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

and you made a short little video in poetry.
I would add a few more details about the cab itself- the color, smell, windows, seats..
the poem could be a bit longer I think without loosing impact.

why was the morning "faithful" ...at first i thought" fateful" morning, as is the idiom when the day of doom comes. "Faithful" I don't get..

but I love the last line, connecting the whole thing to a much much more larger meaning. The universe of a cab ride and the universe of a gigantic country with gigantic problems. Great idea to make a common event larger than life.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Yes Eumolpus
I think i should consider "Unfaithful" then

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment
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