Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Stunted Personality

Thoughout my young life
Words split though my lips
Tearing aimlessly like a knife
Until my peers dug in their grips

I watched as my words fell flat
Expressionless faces looking back
Wanting to end this feelingless vat
I bit my tongue and let my smile crack

But still theres good news to be had
I've found friends much better, I wouldnt go back
They listen intently, sitting so glad
It's a damn shame I find my words now lack

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I haven't been on here in awhile, but this community is so endearing, I simply can't escape it! ;) (Apologizies if I appear rusty)
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

this is a lament about a writer's loss of muse and passion. There is a mixture of meter there, but being a technical issue, it's of lower priority to most writers. I hope you discover your muse again.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

a list of poems that I want to rewrite, I saw a comment by yourself, and wondered what had become of you. Now, here you are, posting a poem! Funny, how things seem to come in a circle. No worries about being rusty, we will polish you up and get you going again. Your meter is mixed as Triskelion says, but I think that after you read a bit of the works current, you will see for yourself, how you can smooth it out. I will stop by later to see if I can be of any help. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I would use the word [ripped] instead of split
It is more in keeping with the tearing. I would also
use a different word for aimlessly, maybe [crazily]?

How about [uninspired faces] instead of expressionless?
Wanting to end this [emotional] vat?

Just a couple of ideas, hope they may be of some help. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Hi mddy, your poem has almost perfect rhymes and spacing. I agree with Geez that some lines need to be smoothed a little.
It's highly emotional to read, I hope you're OK and just venting by using poetry.
Enjoyed, will return.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.