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A STUDY IN PINK SECTION 22

Laughing Annabel did not see Urilla's twitching fingers
Mog will never be defeated so easily after surviving for many years
it is easy for him to enter or leave a host's body
before death claims the human soul for eternity

The deranged killer learns the truth when Mog strike
with a great roar, he impaled her back and her body grow slack
Annabel's corpse fell off the horse, a fitting end for a killer without remorse
Mog left Urilla's body to hunt anew seeking another who's just as cruel

While in his grand hotel, Mackwill's mind snapped
his attempt to clear his name reached a dead end
he hatched a plan to burn down his hotel
if others think him dead, he'll be free once again

He looked out of the window and saw John Creel's hotel
the man who has been his nemesis will soon feel his wraith
At that moment John Creel was whistling a joyful tune,
unaware that Mackwill is planning his doom.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I really hope this piece is on the right path.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is getting nuts! Helter skelter. Ssshh! Wham! Pow!
Way to go Alid.
Now someone get out there and set a torch to that hotel. Find a host for Mog, he can't be finished yet.
Remember, the operative phrase in explanation of a "tragedy" is that everybody dies (it doesn't have to be "everybody", but you get the point).

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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This is good writing! Now that we are writing from our gut. Very well done and I like my death. Impaling, what a way to go.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

at first I was worried I can't do well in my part. Now I'm glad I didn't quit the workshop.lol

Alid

author comment

Thanks for the encouraging comment.

Alid

author comment

Great write alid. My story is inline with yours the twitching finger go well with Urilla unconsciousness seeing stars and clouds. Gotta read the rest when I post. Hehe.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

actually, Urilla is dead. The twitching fingers is a sign that Mog has repossessed her body to strike at Annabel. However, since its a corpse, Mog could not stay for long in it as it has already started to decay.

Alid

author comment

That cleared it up for me

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I thought I have killed Mog the monster.
What are you after guys? :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I gotta check.

Alid

author comment

I like the concept that Mog cannot stay in a corpse. He has to move on to a living host. I don't think demons can ever be fully vanquished without using some type of magic and that in itself would be another story for another workshop :) Perhaps another collaboration at some point....this has been fun. I must say this is the most I have enjoyed writing poetry in a very long time on here!!!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

that's good to hear. For me this is the hardest workshop I have joined since I have to push myself forward in spite of my illness.

Alid

author comment

I am battling whatever cold/virus is going around and it doesn't seem to want to let go either. I think you have done a fine job despite your ailment and frustrations.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

its not just the flu, its the haze from the smoke caused by the illegal clearing of the land in Indonesia. It's giving me endless headache even though it is still not as bad as last time.

Alid.

author comment

What I did is to make it in a way that Annabel only thinks that Mog died when he is only tricking her. I supposed I can't resist reviving the monster so that the story will have a climax that Wes would want. What can I say? Sorry but that's the way it is in this workshop. One person's contribution can change the way the story goes. If its any consolation, I experienced that headache on the earlier stage when I got stuck with my character. First when the first body is not Fritzroy, second when there's a hint of Mackwill's wife having an affair. Anyway, its all good now.

Alid

author comment

but perhaps not too quickly and not without causing some more mayhem (I love that word).
Alid, after having read my new instructions you and Rula need to start thinking about your epilogues since that is now your final assignment.
I am preparing a short treatise on the subject and will post it on the syllabus thread.
Don't die just yet, you have one more task.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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get an epilogue?

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

then yes.
Let's have Carrie write an epilogue, but I will limit it to you three.
All others have the opportunity to write in an expanded format (please be reasonable in its prodigious length).

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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