Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

THE STRIPPER

Standing alone for all to stare
immodest limbs slowly sway
taking no notice, doesn't care
what you might think of the display

Only one light on comely form
but, then, one's all that's needed
disrobing has become the norm
gawking and dropped jaws go unheeded

Garish garb is slowly shed
slow dancing to an unheard tune
there goes the cloth of mostly red
full nudity will be here soon

completely naked, now all is bare
clothing scattered all around
I watch regardless if you care
as the maple sheds its leaves to ground

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

You had me going Scribbler, yes you did!
Great stuff.

One thing...speaking (ahem) from past observations..."dress scattered all around" would be "clothing scattered all around":- they always have many bits and pieces to doff. Part of the professional skillset, if you know what I mean.

;)

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I guess I can still pull off a surprise every now and then . Thanks for suggestion, I just used it.......scribbler

author comment

you're going to have some stripper on your pancakes ? Anybody I know lmao........stan

author comment

Where the HELL can I get some of THAT????

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

As you get older you'll find it becoming common to forget what you were going to.................What was I talking about ? lol........stan

author comment

Yeah, but did you ever hear them maple singing "Let me entertain you."?

You foxy little devil you.

~A

No , but I have heard them whisper in the breeze lol. Thanks for coming by ........scribbler

author comment

put a smile on my dial
love to you
judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Always good to put a smile on your dial for a while using guile...........stan

author comment

glad to catch you once in a while..........stan

author comment

AS
soon as u and shirley too

stop reading me

i shall be gone

to where i belong

on triond i get 160 plus minus reads daily

and 30 to 55 comments too

they all love me so
once i have donated my thirty dollars
so earned
then i shall be gone
to where i belong

loved

I expect you to stay more than a while
to make me think and bring a smile
to myself and others here
who hold your writing to be dear

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.