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In The Strange Land

Because of his death,
We had to face a lot of flak.
Living on the streets, parched, starving and cold;
Always on the run and hiding
As if we’re at war with law and order.
Everything we earned, we gave away
To play with guns and bullets,
When we lost our way home,
We bribed and got an extra dose of happiness.
The moon spoke about our silence
When it illuminated radiantly;
It always right when it shone like a fresh rose.
Something we knew
Was only a temporary solution to our problem:
…back to our country,
…back to our home.
We’re the people that were bound by our helplessness
We fought for survival
Even when we didn’t know
Where our next meal would come from,
The more we suffered
The closer our death be.

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shone like a rose.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

My mentor, thank you for your advice!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

that your sparse lines
and thoughts remind me of Senryu.
The line: "We bribed and got an extra dose of happiness"
Although it doesn't follow the syllable count/measure
of 5-7-5, it has the same thought process. Give the reader the
thought with few extras. Nicely done.
Yes, the word, [as Cat has said] is [shone].
Another thing; you should use "Always on the run and [hiding]"

Let's see you take advice and revise your work. ~ Geezer.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I am grateful for your advice. I'll work on it.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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