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Storytelling In Pink (Section 3-Anabel Lee)

Anabel Lee,
she chose her name carefully.
Cut her hair, painted her face,
the never ending battle with identity.
Arriving in London,one dreary morning,
bareback and alone, she landed.
Her un-ladylike appearance subject to scorn.
Another chapter in her story was born.

She began serving beer at the Blue Boy Tavern,
befriending an outcast,than an unknown stranger.
Friendships that would lead to nothing but danger.
Thirty years old and never been wed
caused the town gossips to turn their head.
Oh well, let them say what had to be said.
Anabel didn't give a damn, ignorance was bliss.
For now her secret, would stay well hid.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Everyone meet Anabel Lee Sumner.....
Editing stage: 

Comments

I see this suspect's relationship with the outcasted victim. It's more than 8 lines two stanzas 16 lines total. According to guidelines.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

missed that part of the instructions...I changed it to fit guidelines.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

This is my pre-workshop talk.

We won’t begin in earnest until the 26th as we’re still enrolling (Ian, I’m having some difficulties getting you listed, but will solve it).
Let me start from the beginning. This idea came full blown to me (partly inspired by Barbara’s Renga series) and wouldn’t leave me alone. At first I thought it too difficult to engage and though I still feel that way to a certain extent, Rula, Barbara and I are going to run it as an experiment.
Don’t let me misconstrue this: I believe this to be the most ambitious workshop yet tried at NeoPoet. The formatting involved is complex enough to be almost prohibitive, but I believe that run as an experiment the participants themselves can create the format as we progress, so that it may be run again at a later date (possibly on a semi annual basis).
What I propose is this:

To write a story in verse essentially “by committee”.

*******Each poet will write two octets of poetry in turn progressing the story along until an ending has been reached. For example- I am poet number one and will post the initial sixteen lines,********* then Rula (poet number two) will add her sixteen lines to the story either picking up where I left off or changing scenes to another aspect of the tale. Then Barbara will be poet number three and add her sixteen lines followed by Carrie, Alidzain and the rest until everyone has added sixteen lines at various points of the story at which point I will pick up again and we will run another round continuing on until the story is complete.
Makes perfect sense doesn’t it? See why I am daunted? Yet, I am committed (or should be).

The storyline will be a horror/murder mystery set in 19th century London (dark, dreary, good place for some fearful stuff). I chose horror because of the preponderance of dark poets here and murder mystery because it is a good semi complex story type. These are my decisions to make as this is a monarchy (though with a very powerful Parliament).

The first task will be to create the principal characters in the drama. They will be based on specific profile types.
Each poet will create one character.
The profile types are these:

The Victim (the first of many?): (this one is mine)
Scotland Yard Detective Number One: The detective can be of any sex or nature, but must be consistent with 19th century London as is true of all the characters.
Scotland Yard Detective Number Two: Same as above.
Suspect Number One: Any personality, not necessarily our killer, but someone who looks guilty as hell.
Suspect Number Two: Same as above.
Suspect Number Three: Same as above.
A Protagonist: This is harder. This is a character who has a vested interest in seeing the crime solved and is willing to do most anything to see it happen.
An Antagonist: This is a character who has a vested interest in seeing the crime NOT solved and is willing to do most anything to hamper the investigation.
Witness Number One: (known) This person saw the crime and the killer saw them.
Witness Number Two: (unknown) This person saw the crime, but the killer did not see them.
And lastly,
The Monster: This is a horror story after all. There is a monster roaming London's streets and it may or may not be our killer. It may or may not be an actual monster. It may or may not be simply a horrible man.
The character types are not of my invention, I cannot claim that level of inventiveness. These are classic profiles used in detective stories for nearly two hundred years and I for one am willing to use them.
We will be selecting the characters we will create on a first come, first serve basis. As you sign up for the experimental workshop, pick a character and start a profile. The profile is in prose and needs to describe the character in some depth. The more information you give us the more we have to use.
Post the profiles on this thread where we may reference them throughout the workshop. If it becomes difficult to find them, maybe Barbara will help me move them to a better location (experiment, remember?)

When we begin you will not be writing about YOUR character only. It is an ensemble piece and you must use all of the characters in their turn.
Also, these are the principal characters in our Horror/Murder Mystery. New characters may be created as needed. If we have more than ten participants there are more profiles to choose from.
As you sign up please PM me and tell me what character of those left you will create.
More information about the format of the workshop will come trickling out slowly enough that it might be understood.
Rula needs to pick her character first (victim is already taken), then Barbara, then Carrie, then Alid and on.
W. H. Snow

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

so that it meets guidelines

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Beautiful I like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I see you've drawn your character's outlines very well. Now everyone knows much about Anabel Lee, but don't you think you needed to connect to where I have finished? I mean I feel like there is no connection between where we left and where you've started. In my opinion the story this way reads like snips. If you can modify at least in the first few lines to make a connect, that would be good.
Anyways, let's see what others think.
Khalid, Gee, Ian, Stan..... We need everyone's opinion, please.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Said we didn't have to connect it that we could start where we wanted. There are connections to the victim and one other character, to be decided. I dont think she needs to be connected to your suspect as she is a suspect all on her own. This set up the guilty looking part. Maybe I am doing this wrong.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I agree there needs to be some connections. How could she have taken the victim head.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Though I am not an active participant in the WS, I have assumed the role of a common man following this thrilling story in Tabloids :). You have made Anabel Lee come alive for sure in your post.

Since we are at the beginning of the plot unfolding and Annabel has made her first appearance, I feel it would perhaps be better if "For now her secret, would stay well hid" could be altered to "For now her secret, would soon be revealed", of course as long as it does not affect the rhyme sequence.

Regards.

raj (sublime_ocean)

I don't know if that really fits just yet. I have exposed there is a secret so that all can use their imagination as to what it is. I am glad you enjoyed the description.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Glad you're here as a common man following this thrilling story. Hope more would follow also if not joining the actual writing of it. Your observations is appreciated and welcome.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

but that is not so bad at the beginning. We have characters to introduce. Let's introduce them, but maybe two or more at a time. Where are the detectives? Someone needs to return to the crime scene and hash that out. Let's start some incrimination. Did Mog use Alid's character and kill the bum? Someone else or did someone murder him outright. We have no killer yet, we are still in exposition. Make our scene.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I think alid is next if he hadn't already. Then me and geezer are detectives Let me see check the posted sections

Hoooo my turn

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I had to make a direct connection right away. I eluded to her friendship with the victim and one other person. I figured I would let the others decide who that person might be. I seem to be missing the whole purpose of this project.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

The story need to connect somehow. I think you can revise a bit, ask Wesley. I'm sure I'll have some idea how Annabel kill the victim. as well,as others.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

But thought I would wait til my next go around. .thought I would get people thinking about her and what she did or didn't do. I still need to read alid contribution

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I've written mine. I tied you in. She's a black widow in my story but she'll probably change as we progress.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Had a similar idea. Just part of her secret....the other part is mine to reveal. A shocker, twist....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Looking forward.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I think I can guess by now what is Anabele's secret Carrie, but I will leave it for the detectives to see if they are doing good job LOL

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

We will see if you are correct but I don't know. All I will tell you is it has to do with her past and her actual identity. If you read the first couple lines of.this, she chose her name so she was someone else.before Anabel.....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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