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The Story of Her

The Story of Her…
the child knew them
round and real
red tempers caustic
hot searing tongues
sharp metal words
flashing gnashing
colliding crashing
she felt their scorn
and watched it castrate
all her dreams and
natural senses
with physician precision
until far too late
there was nothing left
but the fractured fate
of her childhood lost
time and space
has changed her place
she can see them now
like etchings flat
and frozen blue
they cannot move
nor make a sound
like paper-doll-cutouts
flimsy and worn
torn into pieces
without any form…
the child has gone
and in her place
a woman’s song
rises up on high
with power strong
and gentle wings
her soul takes flight
above it all
she can finally see
her own full nature
and her own identity
and it has made her
forever free

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


but a sad projection of society

what I like most of your poetry
is its setting
no commas
no caps

It's a reflection through neo's mirror
of my kinda poetry
thanks poetess
Ishall read more when am free

you may avoid the ellipses
jess's teaching

I'm glad you noticed the absence of punctuation because it was fundamental in how I felt about its flow. One reads without stopping until the ellipses (haha! I do that a lot) but it is at this point that the voice changes from the past to the present and hopefully the future. I am the 'Her'.
Thank you for reading this and for your constructive remarks,


author comment

Welcome to neopoet. I'm not really used to such a vertical poem lol. But it does lend to a faster read. Being contest director let me remind you that the contest poems need to have no more than 20 lines. Brevity is an important consideration for this month's contest. You also need to place (May contest) right next to title. This makes it a lot easier for this month's judge as well as other members to spot this as being a contest poem. Now I've gotta run over to My entry( which can't win anyway since it would be a conflict of interest) and trim the line count on It lol. Again, welcome to site and if I or anybody else here can be of assistance just holler.......stan

Thank you for your updated information!


author comment
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