Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Story of Grace

A child born with a mighty gift,
her life destined to be riddled
with great pain and grief
as she faced endless trials.

In her youth, she has yet to learn
to control and tame her power,
thus her sleep is haunted by visions,
ones engulfed in true horror,
startling her awake, screaming
and her mother will come rushing
cradling her, softly praying
while she trembled, sweating.

Only with her parents' love and patience
that she manage to grow stronger
and her gift is no longer a burden
as she became its master.

As time passed by,
her visions became clearer
revealing truth and lies
from the lips of murderers.

She helped law enforcers
to track down criminals,
the worst of the worst
the humans who are animals.

She became a legend,
another hand of justice,
protecting the innocents
a keeper of peace.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


The flow in this one wants sorting out as it is a little jumpy, to change a policeman into a doctor, is pushing the limits a bit even with Psychic help, just have a look and see what can be done here, I will get back to you on a few other points later.
The mark of a chosen needs to be sorted, as most with that sight seem no different to others. I know this from first hand knowledge lol (My wife being a retired international Medium)
Also the experience of having contact with the children my self..
Just a few pointers but will do an in depth write outside of the stream to see what I can do,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

After some thinking, I decided to leave Chaz out of it and focus on Grace alone.Done some edits. Still need help here. Hope you can suggest something.


author comment

yet, I'm sorry two say, fails on two counts.

Primarily it lacks poetic grace.

I have taken the liberty of converting it to prose so you can see what I mean

Born with the mark of a Chosen, her life is destined to be a string of battles with mortal demons, great pain and sufferings. Hunted by a rival clan, her family fled the country and found a new home in a foreign city, one that promised them a better security, a brighter future and golden opportunities.

Alas, their enemies tracked them down, watching them, waiting for the right moment to strike all of them dead on the ground but the law enforcers offered them protection. It all turned bad when she came of age. At sixteen, her powers caused her to see deaths. Uncontrolled, she was haunted by nightmares and once, they showed her parent's deaths. They tried to send her away for her safety but she fled from her chosen guardians, only to return home and witnessed their murder. The assassin chased after her, eager to finish his job.

She ran into the forested area behind her home while the laughing killer was hot in pursuit, believing that she is an easy prey, weak and alone that will soon be gone for good. In her hour of need, her power reached out, leading a policeman on patrol to where she has fallen. The assassin raised his gun but another pulled the trigger. The bullet pierced his chest and he died with his eyes opened.

His end marked the beginning of a friendship between a psychic and a young officer. Her power linked their minds in a mighty grip, drawing them closer over the years. Ten years have come to pass Grace and Chaz are still together. The officer has become a doctor, revealing the predators and she became his supporter, the hunted turned into a hunter..... .

The other flaw is the meaning of the myth or allegory. Is it my stupidity or do I miss it? Is it about the power we have in ourselves to change our nature? Or perhaps the power of love to see exaggerated in each other our flaws and strengths and to grow from them?

I realise this is a challenging critique and I can only hope it helps rather than hinders your work,

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I rewrite most part of it and keep it simpler. Hope this edited one is better.


author comment

Now you are talking and the character of Grace is founded by her parents, then her learning over the years, not to be afraid but to use the gift given to her.
Now this can be free of its shackles and go out into the world, now the decision to keep her good or to make her bad can be talked of as you expand the story, knowing you she will be fighting the bad and hunting the killers such as Digit or some of the others that we have made.
Good write there Alid, Take care, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Ian and Jess have already commented before me. Good to see you improvising based on their constructive criticism. It is also a good ground work while you prepare for Wesley's WS getting underway soon about Storytelling in Verse.

Best wishes,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Let's hope I will do better in Wes's workshop.


author comment

Far more readable and meaningful.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I'm glad it turned out well in the end.


author comment

Even with the changes I have to agree with Jess. It doesn't always read as poetry. The subject is intriguing, but it is very prose like. Personally, I would not change it, but rather be aware of this difficulty in subsequent poems.
A good lesson to explore. It is all too easy to slip into prose if you are not using a classical form, but nothing to be overly concerned about. It is still a good piece of literature and that skill will make good poetry as you have in the past.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

Grace sounds like a strong personality with good character traits that help her through tough situations! Admittedly, I have not read that much of your poetry, but if this poem is any indication, you are definitely on the right road to hone your poetic talents! Thank you for sharing this!

Grace is one of the characters I have created after I was first inspired by Ian's Digit. I decided to create a team of law enforcers in contrast of Ian's Digit, Gee's Killer and Carrie's Nevermore. I'm glad you liked this one. You see, its like writing a story in poetic form just for the fun of it.


author comment

The other people in Grace Tan's team are Dr Chaz, a pathologist who works with a team of criminal profilers, Sulong Fazwan, an undercover cop and Irene Gray, a relentless reporter.

I wrote as s Sulong Fazwan in "Insider" and Night Market" and as Dr Chaz in "Hunting The Predator" and
"Digit's Copycats". Still trying to figure out how to write Irene Gray.


author comment

I will go back to "Insider" and Night Market" and "Hunting The Predator" and I can't wait to meet Irene Gray.

Neopoet has a surfeit of supervillians (you have only met my evil twin brother, Alex Machette, when he takes over my critiquing, Lonnie knows him well, teehee).

Perhaps at a later stage we could write a Neopoet collaborative poem pitting our villains against our heroes. Shall we talk to Stan about running it as a workshop, perhaps together?

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Besides mine, there's Ian's Digit, Carrie's Nevermore and Gee's Killer which have inspired me to create my characters in the first place. We'll see how this how it goes. I'll be honoured to be a part of the workshop.


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.