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STORMS

Storms are in front,

when deteriorate tulip’s flowers will hurt

and bleed all around them, with reddish flowers, red from their anger.

Anticipations with disappoint,

kisses dark and cold,

unwritten letters will become true,

eco of footsteps unheard,

alter ego sides against of hourglass,

thought negative,

uncentention positive,

memories will bring us tears,

memories of self-hurt.

Joy for sorrow made,

rejoicing for failure of others,

orgasms for others pain,

opstruction of stubbornness with sweetness,

and passions hurtful with non-solidatiry.

Anomalities in abnormalities,

in which enlighted will be defiled,

the ugly will be admirable,

fatal and fearful,

will become our most usual everyday life,

curses will sound like poet metaphor.

Freedom will be due for her own interests,

minds for comfy shelters for curses and condemnation,

and cabinets of neglect and mutability.

Storms when I will pick up flower reddish and with thorns,

From tulips bleeding,

For YOU…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

welcome to Neopoet. we are a family community for poets. not only do we post our poems here, but we read and critique other poets work. if you feel unable to critique, then just make a comment. or say I liked your poem. by the way...I did like your poem. I read it a couple of times to pick up on all the nuances. my favorite part was:

Storms when I will pick up flower reddish and with thorns,
From tulips bleeding,
For YOU…

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

that you need a little help with tenses
as a lot of people using English as a second language do.
I really like your work, but the proper tenses would put this in a better light.

example: "when deteriorate[d] tulip's flowers will hurt. [ personally, I would have
used [wilted] instead of deteriorating].

1] disappoint[ed]

2] echo[es]

3] [an]? hourglass

4] uncentention- related to UN?

5] [in]? failure instead of [of] or rejoicing in the failure of others.

6] [o[b]struction

7] I would suggest that you delete the commas the end of all lines.

Welcome to Neopoet, I hope you get some value from these pointers
as always, my criticisms and comments are made to be useful and may be
ignored or changed to suit the author. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I have greatly enjoyed your piece here. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!

Do you have a book out, or a chapbook? Your bio reads well too, I feel that we could use your perspective here on Neopoet.

I have no real suggestions for you poem here. Only a Question: your use of a white space in between each line, do you find this more effective than not having a space between lines?

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