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Stop Dancing...

Stop dancing, I'm trying to shoot you
Hold still so I can aim
Please whatever you do
Just don't move again

If you're really smart
Let me pick a fatal spot
Like in the head or in the heart
I'm a damn good shot

You're making me all jumpy
I can't draw a real good bead
Now, don't you be so grumpy
A second's all I need

I wouldn't want to miss
Hit you in the arm or leg
I can tell you this
You don't want to make me beg

I bought a fancy pistol grip
My gun is pink and black
I bought it on my little trip
And now that I am back...

So, stop dancing all around here
Come on, let's get it done
Just take it like a man, dear
Don't ruin all my fun

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
This poem is the result of something that I am sure that I misheard on T.V. I thought that I heard a woman say to her husband; "Stop dancing, so I can shoot you! LOL
Editing stage: 

Comments

how you adapted that fun vend of words
we hear....I greatly appreciate humor
and that fast driven wit run by people
the word twist....had many bright people
do this with me...their joy....to add to it
i pretended I didnt hear it..
(of course i did..love the shocking and daring)
ha..the challenge...dancing...
intent of a steady thing not evident

thank U Geezer!

Mr Wolf!

I really love word play! Had a couple of women who used it in seduction.
What do they call it, subliminal-suggestion? It worked.
Beyond that, I enjoy the humor of taking a statement/question
and making it something that is funny and outrageous. As I wrote here, this was born of
mishearing something in a conversation on T.V. and using it as the basis for this humorous
poem. Glad you enjoyed it! ~ Gee.
.

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author comment

I was doing props on a documentary about Terry "Mr Asia" Clark. I came home very late at night covered in fake blood and with a real 44 long-barrel magnum in my hand. There was a stranger asleep on the couch. I thought nothing of it until I saw the abject terror on his face so I said-
"Sorry about all the blood, I shot him and he didn't die so I had to shoot him again. The bastard still wouldn't die, I said to him, look, just die and I'll stop shooting you, ok? Then he died. Sorry, can't stop to chat, I've got another hit first thing in the morning"

When I came out in the morning he was gone.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
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going to assume that you liked this one and it brought back fond memories! LOL
Thank you, ~ Gee.
.

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author comment

if they know ur a bright cat...looks not important
what we are...our history...stature
they will dictate the entrance
although....i eventually got enough to just risk
it and be dominant with the women..
and they responded...humor and wit is the best
and subbing if they take it like...groan...heres
another one...demure step back and then they
are interested....
had my long mysoginist beginnings
didnt hang with the man club.....till later
then got that....back out being the lone wolf
hung around males who were dominant
with the mind subliminal play..so i got to see
how the males operate....with onlly so much
of the female traits come up against me
to me for me...

realizing that the brilliant and driven are true
risk takers but not reckless

stop dancing...all the meet and greet
i danced...and people were trying to
get an answer from me....forever the trickster
it was hard to just say..yes..no..
i mean...i loved having these bright cats
handlers so to speak...why not pick their
minds..see how they tick...
was always a great meeting
still is...

tricky women with superb minds
like a mercedes or bmw
never drove a mercedes but a bmw
rode in one...
put together well
cadillac was sweet
bad assed and loud
a total heat score
couldnt go no where
in that b****

the delightful ones
i had came from driven
madness men
and crazy women
top chains....they scrapped
got what they wanted
ran crews

guess it was in me enough
that they wanted to see
the moves...how i ticked
when i would smile
after the word play
it was like a drug
that rush..we use our
minds....not just our
bodies.....

all that dancing...
then getting down
to business..
and saving ammunition

internet has the funny
vids..one guy was dressed
like the devil on new york
streets...doing his speil
and some guy just come
up and clocked him
in the chops....take that
devil...another one has
a dude and camera in
underground garage
doing the fake hit scene
the dudes run away
the one dude already
laying on the lot floor
the other dude comes
from behind the column
with a bat....

comedy is a stress
relief...

cause in real life
with shit hitting the fan
u either get involved
or u just walk on by

excellent comments
on this vibrant poem
in the present crazy
world

Mr Wolf!

that there is the argument that says; violent deaths are down in countries that have strict gun laws, but I'm sure that you still have domestic-violence. ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

I like this. Combines the necessary elements for a poem with humor and your classic twist.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I guess everyone knows that my humor runs a bit to the macabre. Glad you liked it. ~ Gee.
.

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author comment

Thank you for sending me here.
It is an interesting poem with a great flow.
I take it as a metaphor for psychopathic manipulation.
It reminds me some of my life when I listened to the nagging and stopped "dancing".
Life is full of random coincidences, this morning yet half a sleep I was trying to remember the years of my life that have meaning for me, I came to realization that there were very few. At least in part because we stopped dancing so easily influenced by people or circumstances. Oh well, let the past be a lesson. (Easy to say if one is immortal)

IRiz

that you liked this one. Sometimes; it is what it is. Although there has been lots of sadness in my life, there has also been great joy. Not always big, magnificent things, but many simple things that have afforded me great pleasure. I often say that; if I were to go wherever you go when you leave this mortal coil, and was given the option of returning here to do the same thing all over again, without being able to change one little thing, I would say "Well, what are we waiting for?" Thank you for taking the time to find this poem and give your opinion. I am appreciative of that. ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

One word you are a happy man!
I am not sure if I would want to repeat my life.
I am a maniac novelty seeker.

IRiz

YES!

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