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A Stone (imagery workshop)
Beneath the covering of moss the stone retired.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
jane210660
Mon, 2017-06-26 05:05
eight words
and a detailed picture.
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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
scribbler
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:09
Hi Jane
thank you
author commentjane210660
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:11
Yes
Can't you hear my old grey cells?
Grin.
Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
weirdelf
Mon, 2017-06-26 09:51
Nice one,
if a tad anthropomorphic. It loses something by evoking the idea of the stone actively retiring. Perhaps
Beneath the covering of moss the stone [was or had] retired.
Get my drift?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:13
yes
I get your drift but now I have to decide whether or not changing this will help or not. It's possible for a suggestion to be a good one but not fit in with what a poet is trying to accomplish. Anthropomorphizing might be a good thing in leading a reader to identify with a thing..........stan
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:30
agreed
agreed
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:35
How does one erect a historical marker here?
You and I actually agreeing lmao
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:53
no biggie
I've agreed with Rett and Lonnie too in the past,
It no doubt won't last.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2017-06-26 11:53
LOL
Would be a bit disappointed if it did
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2017-06-26 17:54
Hi Mark
An ending? Hmmm....I wrote it thinking it might be a good beginning but see how easily it could be either.......stan
author commentvandiemenspeak
Tue, 2017-06-27 08:04
And I'm not sure if anyone said it..
A rolling stone, gathers no moss...suggesting this stone is only engaged in an illusory retirement, maybe? I like under the cover of moss. Sense the tone is itching for the stone to be thrown back in the stream!
Nice start..
Cheers,
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
weirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-27 08:21
I'm afraid we were all waiting with bated breath
for someone NOT to open the Pandora's box of The Rolling Stones, mate.
Yet it must be acknowledged in context.
I saw them live in Sydney in 1995. Jagger at 52 was superlative.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 08:50
poor old Mick
I understand he's about to start his "walker" tour lol. I am saying this out of envy that he's getting around better than I lol
author commentvandiemenspeak
Tue, 2017-06-27 09:36
Oh no, i've started 'im up, started up..
never stop......er..i won't make a grown man cry :/ - OK I'm signing off now, I've already made one python reference this evening - this imagery workshop is exhausting!
Cheers
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 08:48
I had hoped
That the idea of a stone once in motion had been captured and thus retired by the blanket of moss. This shows how even fairly explicit imagery can be interpreted in many ways by many people............stan
author commentjane210660
Tue, 2017-06-27 10:47
And I'm not
even going to mention the sweet little ditty about getting rocks off.
I is a lady after all.
Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 12:59
Getting
rocks off???? whatever do you mean the scribbler asks with innocent eyes
author comment