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Stir Crazy( critique workshop)

The quiet screams at me
it echoes and surrounds
emptiness within these walls
nothing stirs but I

Images and imagination running rampant
searcing for a place to land and take seed
but there is only one that breathes
with a fertile mind
to plant a seed

How long must this go on?
before the rest of me
is gone
how long,how long

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
those that know me know I will have surgery (nothing awful) and I have to isolate from the general public as best as possible it has been four days and this is the product
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

In spending a lot of time in my room
and socially distancing from my friends and family
I feel much the same. The brief respite I had
at my sister's little brother-sisters gathering recently
did wonders for me and my wife. I was particularly
struck by the use of [I] instead of [me] in your first
stanza. It emphasized the aloneness and made it better understood.

I was interested in the next stanza and what it said about the
fertile mind and planting a seed. Is it the one person that has
been particpating in the workshop?

[A gentle reminder to those that
joined, but so far, have not participated].

~ Gee.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

tk you I see what you mean with that one line good call

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

I would use the word [gulping] instead of swatting
Swatting makes it sound more like he is using a fly-swatter.
River banks don't amble; how about [on]?
~Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

thank you for the smile

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

home now all went well only have the use of one hand for now

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment
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