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Still Truckin'...

And as we lay in shadows past
The ghosts of voyages come
Sailing past each brother's vision
Dreams of youth and daring fun

Time and distance wears us out
So many miles we've left behind
Crazy fun and broken dreams
The things we thought we'd find

The rain runs down the leaking gutter
Drops to drum on an empty pot
Splashing life everywhere
Keeping time as we never thought

We ran the roads, made our beds
Slept out in the rain
Fished and drank, lost more than time
Comforted each other in our pain

We are forever, though not for all
Some remember just a while
The Eagle and the star still here
And we still have a couple of miles

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Listening to the rain, thinking about my Bro, in the hospital. Wondering if he dreams like me.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Sorry to hear your brother is ill. I think this is one of your better poems. But those 2 last lines read as if you are trying to convey more than the posted words reveal. Since I'm a bit uncertain of what that is I leave it to you to do so........stan

and I have the same tattoo. This is when we worked on the carnival together and there were three of us in the group.There was a tattoo that we liked; it had three stars over an eagle. The tattooist told us that it was a popular tattoo, so we removed two of the stars, saying that it would come to mean like the "Three Musketeers" All for one and one for all". Sadly Bill has gone on before us and now it's just me and Lew. Now I face the prospect of going on alone and one of these days, there will be no more like us. ~ Gee.
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we all go it alone
why moan
life is so unique
(one such a thing)
where one is
born lives and dies alone
but
you are not yet so old
Gee

a very bad person, there are usually at least a few, that will mourn your passing and in that; you take a piece of their lives too! Yes, we all go alone, [unless there is some kind of disaster] but we are all a part of someone's life. ~ Geezer.
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Been a while.
Funny thing about good poetry...you forget it rhymes. It was only when I looked down the page then went back to reread that I realized it.
Smooth, evocative, and to be honest, I found celebration and love and friendship, not sadness, and a desire to have friends like these.

Most excellent, my friend, most excellent.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Yes, been a while. So glad to hear that you still think my poetry is good! Yeah, I'm still primarily a rhymer, but I guess I always will be. I love the way you can make the mood flow when you use rhyme.
Yes, honest and pragmatic, celebratory, a little bit sad and friendship forever!
Funny how clearly you see back to the past, when we can't see the future and sometimes are blind to the present. So, how are you and are you going to post anything? Or just come to visit and see the old gang? Stick around, pull up a chair and sit down to write something. We always like to see what you are doing now! Thanks for coming 'round to comment, be sure to write a little sumthin', sumthin' to post. And make sure that you enter the monthly contest. ~ Gee.
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I remember hauling equipment with my father when we worked construction.
I remember the hot summer days and cool summer nights of sw Kansas.
Most of all, I remember the exhaustion of early morning runs and watching for the local c. Mounties.

Your writing is memorable and enjoyable.

My dearest friend and I worked on the carnival as ride jockeys, when we met. There were three of us that became very fast friends and we got the tattoos to celebrate the friendship. Sadly, one of our number has gone to the great Ferris wheel in the sky, and of the two of us that are left, another is really ill and... I am glad that I could awaken such good memories for you. It is not easy to look ahead and see that someday there will be nothing left of our friendship and no one who remembers. It would be nice, if someday in the future, someone will read the words of my poem and understand and for just one moment, will celebrate our friendship. ~ Geezer.
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