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Stardust Harmonies

Submitted by judyanne on Tue, 2012-05-01 13:23

Intangible, soft colours gently drift
in streams of many tones, across the void -
creation's water's vibrant, bejewelled gift
there for my humble eyes, to be enjoyed

But truly too far distant to behold
for vision that's contained by time, confined
to me its symmetry will yet unfold
when my soul-self, again, is re-defined

I'll leave behind this dirt I've worn and trod
exchange it then for light of fiery essence
and be set loose to wander throughout god
in galleons of lustrous luminescence

I'll set my sails from Neptune's cloudy seas
to make my way along the milky ocean
and drink my fill of stardust harmonies
while swaying to the universe's motion

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Tue, 2012-05-01 13:37

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Wow! a beautiful and enchanting creation, this. Loved the title and that you took it from one of the lines of the poem! It flows wonderfully. I liked it all, but these lines clinched it, for me,

I'll set my sails from Neptune's cloudy seas
to make my way along the milky ocean
and drink my fill of stardust harmonies
while swaying to the universe's motion

No suggestions, just appreciation for the work!

always, Cat

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judyanne

Tue, 2012-05-01 14:53

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for the supportive comments
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

raj

Tue, 2012-05-01 14:04

a wonderful journey of the soul created by you here...you did create a sense of buoyancy very appropriate for this creation...i was just thinking if "Creator's" would have been a better choice than "creation's"...

raj (sublime_ocean)

judyanne

Tue, 2012-05-01 14:55

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lovely to see you
thanks so much for the lovely comment
and for the suggestion
i'll think on it, but i imagine i really would rather not draw attention to creator, rather creation itself
- and i used the g word in the third verse :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

raj

Wed, 2012-05-02 15:48

so good to see you posting a lot again Juddyanne...

raj (sublime_ocean)

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-05-08 02:59

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now, you are going to kick my arse for my only critique, I am a scientist as well as poet. In the context of the stardust, which is galaxy wide vision, Neptune is too mundane, it's just a planet.

[runs away and hides]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Tue, 2012-05-08 13:41

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lol - i chose neptune for a reason that now escapes me
wanted to use 'cloudy seas' - i think neptune's clouds must've been what i thought of

well the scientist in you will just have to suck it up - hiding or not (((( big smiles ))))

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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