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Stalking...

Silver slashes in ebony sky
Made by knives of lightning
Leaving scars across his eye
Memories; most frightening

Raindrops dripping, streaming
Sluice his muddy skin
The water leaves him steaming
He's anxious to begin

Victim hides among the weeds
He has no chance at all
The wounds he bears, they bleed
He staggers, nearly falls

The splash and moan of agony
Draws attention to him now
Killer has no sympathy
For the suffering on his brow

Now you see what is done
In this game you play
Of course; it's just... having fun
I thought that's what you'd say

You push their bodies to the end
Their hearts are pounding so
Brains scream and go around the bend
And you just let them go

Their deaths are not on your hands
You didn't touch them at all
Chasing them over the muddy sands
When they couldn't run, they'd crawl

Well, how do you like this game of mine?
I know that you don't play so well
But for me, that's just fine
I love it when you yell

Let's play some more, ready to go?
Ohhh... catch your puny breath
It's not as fun, when you're too slow
Unless it is your death

So run some more and give me sport
Try to get away
Don't give up now. I exhort
You've really made my day!

Alas, I see that you are spent
Too tired to run away
It was fun, as it went
And I have to cheer hooray

The sound of ripping, tearing skin
Screams echo in the night
Guts and blood, Killer's grin
The last thing in his sight

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just trying to get Killer back in shape. He has been lazy lately.
Editing stage: 

Comments

and always clever.
Some lines miss a beat or so, but nothing to stumble the enjoyable read.
S.8 L.2 play is repeated twice.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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www.instgram.com/rularules1

those little stumbles that you spoke of and took care of that pesky extra play. Thanks for the read and critique. ~ Gee.

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author comment

I am not really a fan of horror, or the macabre...that being said, you have the storyteller's knack of keeping one involved; it moves along quite well, and you certainly don't hold back any of your darker impulses.

I'd be terrified of what I hide inside
if I tried to poetize my darker side

there'd be no happy ending for me
( I'm a fraidyscaredy cat in disguise)

Al

I've always liked to tell a story and I've found that I tell the macabre, horror type the best!
I use these stories and Killer as an outlet for my anger and frustrations. It works pretty well, I have never killed anyone yet! Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Gee

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author comment

Crikey, it's very 'Game of Thrones'
Very dramatic and intense, as well as gothic horror.
I think the flow and beat are good, they sort of echo terrified beating heart.
Impressive. Jx

------------
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Killer is all about having fun on the job. Glad you like us. ~ Gee.

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author comment

Well Killer's at it again.....
love it, but I think you have an evil mind.....

Nothing to crit - the story read well and any meter changes were smooth enough to not detract from the rhythm...

I'm possibly wrong, but I think this write has a more psychological approach than Killer's usual blood and gore
well written

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

You are right, a little more of the psychological aspect to this one. Glad you liked it and yes, I do have an evil mind, but I keep it under control by writing Killer poems! LOL Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Gee.

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