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A St Certificated.....

A St Certificated……

A cop stood stamping his feet,
the working girl peruses a bar.
A snapshot of Strumpet street,
litter blows but never too far.

I watch, jealous of their ease,
she moves close hands on hips.
Go, he whispers later please,
both smile as she wets her lips.

A special street for this pair,
people here learn to accept.
Strumpet street is more than fair
they also show respect.

A microcosm of our planet,
yet they lead where others fail.
Say they can’t escape the granite,
but they’ve never cast a sail.

This place on earth they're born,
where no shame is ever cast.
A second womb that’s slightly torn,
knows that lives are not meant to last

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

the story, the rhyme is great! The rhythm stumbles a bit, but all in all, this is a good poem that caught my eye with the title and dragged me in. Nice work! I'm not sure that [peruse] is the right word here, I don't see anyone reading or scanning a bar. Might be easier to say "working" the bar and it's also an easier word to mate with the line.
Typo: [They're born]
~ Geezer.
.

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Thank you Gee, I will try and sort out rhythm, and of course the typo, but the lady is scanning the bar in the context of who's using it. Does that make more sense. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

it does make more sense, now that you give that explanation, but still not convinced it is the right word.
~Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

It's like a ballad. Firstly somehow in all the years and reading I have no recollection ever hearing the word strumpet in English. So I learned something. Do you know the poem by Francois Villion, Fat Marge? Geat poem about prostitutes, you'd love it. 17th century, still spot on.

After a reads I really wanted more for this poem. I'm just not sure what you're trying to say in the end, what you are trying to make me feel. why are these lives not meant to last? the second womb.There are some start ups; is the special couple the cop and the lady? There's just not enough info for me to figure it out...but there's something there that makes me want to.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thank you, I'm chuffed to have taught you a new word, the poem is me just dropping in to strumpet st folk. Strumpet Street Folk is a poem I submitted a few years ago on Neopoet, Maybe looking it up will clarify how you feel about the poem. The people who live there are realists and very honest about life and what they do. I do not know the poem you mention but will certainly look it up. Regards Roscoe.....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

work, love the style of expression & the articualte consideration, you really know how to paint a scene & not let the rhyming there-in detract from the punchiness of the story - Bravo I say, very little compromise here - I think we poets so often compromise when trying to rhyme.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

Thank you, I'm very flattered by your comments. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I do not make comments on the minutiae of form since to me the only thing that works is reading the poem over and over or even singing it out loud if possible. Then revise if necessary keeping in mind all the elements of poetry since if you substitute one word or image for another, you change the flow.

Revising should be fun and an adventure but the more you practice and learn about poetry and great poets, the more you are storing up tools to use and perfect.

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