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Springtime

Cirrus skies
Warm weather
Forsythia
Bridal landscapes

Nighttime
Chirping crickets
Bullfrogs calling
Rumbling train

Sunrise
Red-tail Hawks
Daytime moon
Brook-side reflections

Fishing gear screaming
-Lets Go!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

and it can't come soon enough. Nice poem. Nice images to paint the scene.

Considering the first verse, I would put it in a similar meter and shape as the rest of the poem:

Repetitive clouds are forearms,
bringing warmth from the south-west.
landscapes of young brides,
cirrus wrap the skies
as soft linen
healing wounds from winter. (we know the winter was harsh from the images)

Not to say Cummings owns it, but "pity this monster this busy monster manunkind" is one of his most famous poems and one one of the most popular of the 20th century, which ends:

--- listen: there's a hell
of a good universe next door; let's go

I don't think it's plagiarism, but it is using his devise and many devoted readers of poetry would pick that up. So I would change it to another way of saying "let's go" which are many.

The wind does come from the west, as said Shelly in the famous ode:

The trumpet of a prophecy! O Wind,
If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?

Bring on the good weather!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Holy god Mark! What a compliment!
Shelly and Cummings?
I never read a word of either but do know they were masters.
Mark, ya could not have made me more happy.
They say great minds think alike :~)
Thanks so much!
Later,

.
.
That's how I see it,

Mark L.

author comment

past the first line. Like forearms? Never knew forearms to bring warmth to anything. Other than that, nice stuff!
~ Geezer.
.

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Critique or comment today!

Gotcha! I'll give 'reaching' (forearms) more thought.
Great!
Gratitude !

.
.
That's how I see it,

Mark L.

author comment

and I think a better one. a more unique approach, just a bunch of images with one verb. A well made poem!
(I still think you should change "Lets go" to anything else, Here we go! Out we go! etc. to avoid that issue, but that's just me)

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I left the last verse in there just for you lmao
really haha
maybe I'll think on it

.
.
That's how I see it,

Mark L.

author comment

I like what you've done with it! ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

TY

.
.
That's how I see it,

Mark L.

author comment
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