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SPRING, Thoughts Turn.........

Might, today I lay with you
in this field of lush spring clover
just as the sun drives off the dew
with the cool of morning not yet over?

We'll spread a blanket on the ground
to keep the biting bugs at bay
and listen to the lonely sound
of a train's whistle far, far away.

The clouds will flee in tattered sky
chasing away the last night's rain
while overhead the song birds fly
then alight and sing joyful refrain.

Our hands somehow seek each other out
and our fingers soon intertwine
while hints of life flit all about
encircling us like young woodbine.

I roll over toward the one I love
and we share a short soft kiss
while thanking the sun above
for this day filled with perfect bliss.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


such a wonderful piece with so much imagery filled with honest feeling. beautifully crafted. Thanks for sharing.


I was on the verge of deleting this from site due to lack of comment. I know it's pretty raw but I appreciate your dropping by........stan

author comment

There are a few of us that take poems off the stream due to no comments, I am one and fail to see why after all the work we both do that there is a shortage of comments.
This piece needs a little work but that surly is why this site is here to correct any problems we find when reading.
I have been on the verge of leaving several times due to lack of interest, not only in the poems or work I do but in those that cant be bothered to answer when we do comment..
There is nothing seriously wrong with this piece and as you cant understand where all those that are on this site go to, I gave up a couple of weeks ago and took quite a few of my pieces off.
Rula, bless her, noticed they had gone but that was all I rest my case lol.
Take care out there hope you are better soon, Yours Ian..

Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

this is a master class work of the highest quality

I don't know about master class but I'm pleased you like it lol.......stan

author comment

and well-crafted.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Good to see you are up and about while I'm still a bit under the weather. Between the two of us maybe at least one will keep complacency down a bit lol. I appreciate your kind words but I already see at least one thing to change..........stan

author comment
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