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Spiritual What!

Spiritual What!
To my mind…
there is nothing spiritual in living life ….
all is mundane
and
each one has one’s own frame,,,
to dwell in happiness or pain …
some love to within a cocoon remain….
passed life's living vein

whilst others brave the storms…
of the those who wont to slain ….
but within senses and distance remain…
spiritualism thus beyond life …
in imagination should…
as it does and must remain…

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

You have enticed me out of my cave, what you have said is what you should feel, yet there is a stubbornness in your ways.
I was having a cup of tea and those thoughts of yours echoed around my cave giving me bad vibs, now stop trying to see what is inside and that has no Physical form, just learn to feel.
It is 00-31 am and my tea is getting cold, I shall think of this tomorrow lol, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Remembering mom
we all love our youth … splashed across the windscreen of time …none can wipe it out … nor it retain …only moms memory of love does retain… closeted into the heart’s inner core
and
that alone makes us remember moms more….
as we walk the last leg alone…
kids about now unknown …
sans all as Shakespeare did say …
sans a breath for a new life today…

4 old ager's

will post tomorrow
as time barred today
spirituality took way
have a good sleep now
anyway
hope the walk will be one worth a while ….
which will upon our face bring a smile …
as mom again smiles from that distant eternity…
we continue to live alone
in this lonesome fraternity ….

loved

author comment

My Mother visits me each moment,
in what I am and what I perceive to be right.
My cave as you will see one day is full of those that belong, I sip Tea, sake, and many other brews, even the dew from the morning light.
These are all beverages that are brought to my side, as we think talk of all things.
Sometimes there is no need for drink as my friends neither eat or drink, just I, in my Physical form, maybe they are being polite as is their way.
Mom as you call her smiles and says that Loved is a good balanced Spirit and has little to learn, we will hold a place for you, but if you are a higher Spirit than this one (Me) please ask me to join you as is the way of that world.
You take care young Bard and more of your pens dripping, is what I shall,look for, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

will get back to u once wont
is settled

loved

author comment

...are your words, & soo, very eloquent is your demeanor throughout this thoughtful piece. l truly enjoyed this.
Sincerely ,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

you add flavor to savour
as I relish poetry more
since now you all read me for sure

loved

author comment

I haven't been by to comment on any of your work for so long, but this one drew me in...
I liked the sheer "effrontery" of your stance - from the title onward, although like Ian - I am inclined to disagree with you - I see it's merits!
Particularly liked these closing lines and their logic:
"whilst others brave the storms… of the those who wont to slain ….and within senses and distance remain…
spiritualism thus beyond life …in imagination should…

as it does and must remain"
Just two tweaks - please clarify "of those who wont to slain"? Want to be slain or want to slay? or are wont to be slain?
also check on the line separating the last line from the preceeding verse!
Thanks

Bonitaj

Half corrected

For ....'''wont to slain...'' I meant are born to or desire to... .....

hope it fits well
Shall return to this refrain again

loved

author comment

just Google it

wont does stand
no correction needed
I still think!

loved

author comment

and to my mind this is brilliant.
Only one line bothers me
of the those who wont to slain ….
perhaps
of the those who wont be slain ….

oh, just read your reply to Bonita about that line and it is still wrong, perhaps
of the those who are wont to slay….

(it's like when you use archaic thees and thous, you always fuck up)

Don't let my linguistic didacticism take away from my true apreciation of this work.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I tried to correct ''''wont ...'''

like their wont .....
can you help find a disguise
thanks

loved

author comment

of the those .....whose wont is to slain....

any better
apart from slain in place of slay??

any advice is welcome with thanks

loved

author comment

want to be slain is clear.
Wont in the archaic sense you seem to be using it it means something like desire, habit or urge.
so it would either be
of the those who wont is to slay….
or
of the those whose wont is to be slain ….

again, dear loved, be careful of those archaisms.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

ta da ta dum....
How about
"those who ARE WONT to slay"....
Still works doesn't it Jess? Kinda like "Those who ARE WONT to interfere ... Should butt out!" lol
Cheers

Bonitaj

yeah I think if Jess approves suits well

loved

author comment

I think we killed the shit out of this and I want for no more. I am wont to go to bed, Night young Bard till mornings light lifts the dew from the grasses arms and blinds me while I am driving shit.
Take care and know that you have cured all your wont's now,
Yours Night Hawk

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for an appropriate replacement
to my version....
utter rave confusion
my line is
under execution

loved

author comment

Just caught your reply to my comment about asking Sadie for a piece on the lines you have written, this will probably tomorrow now as I am running late again it is 23-53 here at the moment and I have to relax to let them write or have more time, they have no time where they are but I am here for a while longer yet so have to make time for things..
Take care young Bard will attend to your ask in the mornings light, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I shall await a comprehensive line
now tis also my sleeping time

loved

author comment

The sun has set this long since, I shall have to go over to auto writing to reply about Sadie and all the friends I have in other places.
Sadie sends her love to you and asks that you look to your own reasoning where the morrow is still joined to this now we are in.
There is a space within you that you keep trying to fill, I cannot replace your lovely Mother as she is but one of many that have moulded your life.
You must reach out inwardly there you will find that harmony with the infinite spaces out beyond your physical ways..
Use your own thoughts to build a summary of the things that are real and those that are only fliting as the butterfly twix flowers blossoms, I have many things to do yet your question is wanting an answer, then look to those things your Mom Taught you in the quiet of the evenings sound.

There is now a space left that vibrates the colours that you have yet to see, the children are playing and Sadie is now so free to go about her tasks, as many children are in need of her attention, I shall bid you goodnight young Bard and will touch your ear again one day as the quiet of the evening carries your Mothers voice to your inner ear..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

to so do tooo

...'''Use your own thoughts to build a summary of the things that are real and those that are only flitting as the butterfly twixt flowers blossoms,

loved

author comment

The comment that has been put is auto writing and I understand most of what it says but there are spaces for you to fill,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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