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Spiral
I gazed at the hole
Deep in the ground
End so unclear
Yet secrets to be found
I inch closer
Curiosity,peering near
Longing uncover what lies beneath
Answers so unclear
Nosiness got the best of me
I tripped over my mind
Into the hole I fell
Answers soon to find
But I never hit the bottom
For enternity I fell
A never ending spiral
Yet enchanting like a spell
And as I peered below me
Amazement I did find
For beneath me
My reflect did hide
A metaphor?
Maybe not
I begin to spiral deeper
And tie the final knot.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
IRiz
Mon, 2018-12-03 10:01
You made me feel dizzy.
You made me feel dizzy.
I feel that I am falling through the bottomless well and seeing my own reflections all over.
The feverish flow fits your poem.
Thank you, I Simply Enjoyed the write.
Have you considered to use simply present continues form I am falling instead of to fall for eternity.
Personally I am afraid to use words that smell of classic poetry too much. What do you think?
IRiz
hopeless_writer
Tue, 2018-12-04 16:33
IRiz
Thank you for the feedback! Presonally I like to switch between classic poetry language and modern to add a personal touch.how about you? Also I was wondering what did u take from the poem?
author commentIRiz
Tue, 2018-12-04 17:36
I don't like to explain what
I don't like to explain what is my take since it takes forever to talk about multiple levels of meanings that make a good poem.
Since you asked, I will tell you my take in a nutshell.
You took a journey into your own world of memories and life impressions.
Like little curious Alice you fall into the well --
the depth of your inner reality.
Falling and living became almost the same.
You see on the walls and at the bottom images of your own achievements and mistakes - your own face.
Understanding and perhaps accepting your trueself is the goal to reach but you are not there yet because it is unreachable,
because it distaneces away while you are falling, because your well is growing deeper, and you are changing.
There more to it if you want. But I think I don't need to explain you your writes. Lol.
Was I close? I don't have to be.
IRiz
hopeless_writer
Sat, 2018-12-08 06:53
IRiz
I really like your take on the poem my envision was something similar.i tend to ask people what they think of things I do a lot (I’m kind of new to the whole sharing your work thing)but thank you for sharing with me
author commentIRiz
Sun, 2018-12-09 12:12
Thank you for posting you
Thank you for posting you poem.
It is a pleasure to read.
IRiz