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Spiral

As my emotions blow past me
I face them as they come
Confusion, sadness, anger
They hit me one by one

Overwhelmed, I cannot stop
This unholy barrage
Bruised by gas lighting
Torn apart from love

Screaming through the spiral
Past rage and exhaustion,
Grasping for empathy
Slamming into the earth

Face down, blood pouring
From my soul outward
I pick myself up, dusting off the hate
Beginning the long climb upward

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Need help with the flow
Editing stage: 

Comments

some lines here, that I wish that I had written! The whole first stanza and "I pick myself up, dusting off the hate." The one line that I think needs changing is: "Slamming down onto the floor" I think that maybe it should be simpler. How about [Slamming to the earth]? I think that using earth rather than floor, fits better, as you have just fallen down a rabbit-hole. I was going to suggest that you change the line: "Bruised by the gas-lighting" but somehow it reminds me of an old gas-lit street which in turn lends a certain air to the whole emotional tangle angle. ~ Gee.
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I got a little squirrelly toward the end, couldn't think of the right words. I will put your suggestions in as they make sense.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

to help. Sometimes you need to take the time to work things out. I don't always post as quickly as I want to because I know that it needs time. I have a few that are in progress now, I just save them until I feel the urge to go back to them and finish. I've got a Killer one, a #me-too one and at least one more in the works. I don't know what I would do if I lost my comp. I don't understand my phone well enough to save stuff to work on later. Take care, ~ Gee.
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Reading it a few times I think you don't need the first stanza at all. I don't understand "haste", or rabbit hole other than the obvious reference to Alice in the Looking Glass... If the poem starts "as my emotions blow past me" the whole poem makes sense, and has that great finish of dusting off the hate and the climb uphill to do so. My take.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

For the suggestion. I was trying to set the stage to describe the emotional spiral I'm in but in taking your suggestion, it does sound better.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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