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The Spill

We sat at our spot
The backwash embankment
Bald Eagles perched
On tree bones petrified
Over lush lily pads

We reminisce of the Gulf
Times we spent there
Everything clean and bright

Our hearts soften
In speechless empathy

Visions of tropical life
Falling into deepest depression
-When storms approached

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

that the two stanzas don't really go together. You need something to connect the two. I would be really interested in seeing you do something to pull them together. A bridge of one or two more stanzas to bring the whole thing to meld. ~ Geezer.
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I need to get em right first lol
the break is wrong see to that and then think hmm ..agreed.
Thanks

~Mark~

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author comment

shows you are a poet, ie on who sees the world poetically, using word and image to create mood, passion and poetic truth. I agree with the above, keep at it. a poem needs sometimes an inner narrative. You have set up the poem in the title, and the first stanza, nicely. keep going.

What I do sometimes is write several pages of images, emotions, memories about the theme, just babble away on the pad, and you'll see, things emerge to create a poem. this poem of yours has a lot of early energy. Keep it going.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Duly noted.

~Mark~

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author comment

the rest of the poem, I'm not sure that I understand the last few lines. Do you mean that when there is a storm coming, you get depressed about not being able to be at the Gulf? Or that maybe you will never get to experience your tropical vision? ~ Geezer.
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The worst part for the wildlife and all life during the Gulf spill was the weather pushing the slick further (at least as I recall)

~Mark~

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author comment

make the connection of the storms pushing the oil into the bayous and I guess that [tropical] kind of threw me too. All in all, even after the explanation, it seems kind of vague. Nice poetry, but not conducive to understanding what you wrote about. ~ Geezer.
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Critique or comment today!

Thanks Gee,
I'll need to watch out for that.
Later,
Mark

~Mark~

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